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| Porn Users Forum » Patent Your "Mastery of the Monkey" Stroke |
| 1-8 of 8 Posts | Page 1 |
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| 04-30-10 01:58pm - 5350 days | Original Post - #1 | |
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Wittyguy (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,138 Registered: Feb 04, '08 Location: Left Coast, USA |
Patent Your "Mastery of the Monkey" Stroke The fine hard working folks at Apple aren't content with just offending women with the I-Pad, they're now on a quest to conquer the planet by patenting forms of nonverbal communication. Here's what Steve Jobs just got a patent on: Apparently these hand gestures are patented in conjunction for use in some upcoming touch sensitive screen device. So, here's my question:  Apparently this is part of Apples plan to make any future I-gadgets incompatible with future competitors touch devices (and you thought learning different software was a pain in the ass, try remembering which device uses which hand "save" function ... promptly leading to frustration and use of the universal "save this" sign  ). Seeing this made me realize that at some point some porn geek is going to patent different hand positions for some futuristic "love glove" or similar device. Good forbid someone try to get exclusive domain over my "double eagle claw technique" (advanced users only), my "SpongeBob Jizz Pants" maneuver, or even my choreographed "Knock on Wood" rhythmic interpretive dance special. The government has let people patent human genes, business models and animal creations but I'll be damned if I'm going to let them patent something that's in direct violation of my freedom of masturbation (one of the lesser known amendments). I urge all pervs to unite and send me large amounts of money so that I can patent all of the "basics" (see here: http://www.89.com/d/?d=advice-masturbation) and donate those rights to goodwill of all mankind. Any leftover money will be used to "erect" a statue of  on the mall in Washington DC. | |
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| 04-30-10 02:26pm - 5350 days | #2 | |
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PinkPanther (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,136 Registered: Jan 08, '07 Location: Oakland, CA |
This reminds me of the way that pharmaceutical companies go and take out patents on traditional medicines, so then they can sue the countries that have been practicing these traditional forms of medicine for infringing on their patents and claim that they owe them a bunch of money. Luckily, Apple didn't patent the middle finger salute, so I can safely give them one without fear of owing them any money for patent infringement. Makes me glad that I don't have a Mac or an ipod or an ipad or an iphone or that music player that I can't remember the name of. | |
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| 04-30-10 03:05pm - 5350 days | #3 | |
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messmer (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 2,582 Registered: Sep 12, '07 Location: Canada |
This world is getting crazier by the minute. I saw a news item the other day where Monsanto is sending spies around to check on corn fields to see if any of their patented genetically engineered corn is being grown. If the farmer didn't pay for the seed he owes to the company. There was one guy who insisted on planting his corn the old fashioned way with old fashioned seeds that he got from previous harvests but his neighbors to the left and right used Monsanto's "improved" (pesticide resistant) seed and the wind kept blowing the seed over to this unfortunate hold-outs acres and grew happily alongside the regular corn. Monsanto wants its pound of flesh from this man. After all, once you make an exception ..... ! Ah, ain't capitalism grand. | |
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| 04-30-10 03:42pm - 5350 days | #4 | |
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RagingBuddhist (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 893 Registered: Jan 23, '07 |
I have a pointing device from a now defunct company called Fingerworks, which was acquired by Apple. They called the device iGesture and it uses some, if not all of those same gestures. I'm curious how he just now got the patent, considering the Fingerworks devices have been around for years. Sarcasm is a body's natural defense against stupidity. | |
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| 04-30-10 10:26pm - 5350 days | #5 | |
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Cybertoad (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 2,158 Registered: Jan 01, '08 Location: Wash |
And here we have the honest thing we call democracy ppl. Since 2007 | |
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| 05-01-10 02:55am - 5349 days | #6 | |
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Capn (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,740 Registered: Sep 05, '09 Location: Near the Beer! |
FFS Just put a keyboard on it and a 24" monitor. Cap'n.  Admiral of the PU Hindenburg. 2009 PU AwardHilarious Post of the Year 2010 PU Award ( I would have preferred it to be Helpful Post of the Year for Guys who Hate 'Retail Therapy' ) :0/ Sanity is in the eye of the Beholder! | |
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| 05-02-10 12:41am - 5348 days | #7 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
And ain't science grand too? As comedian Patton Oswalt said, "We're science! We're all about coulda, not shoulda." Monsanto was one of those fuckers who helped to produce Agent Orange during the Vietnam War, along with a whole other slew of chemicals the side effects of which we're still not quite sure about. If you watch the documentary "Food, Inc.", which is about the modern production of food in the U.S. (I don't think Canada is really mentioned though), you'll learn quite a bit about Monsanto. Even worse they make most of their seeds sterile in order to force growers to keep purchasing their products over and over again (the plants either don't produce seed or produce useless seeds), but the control of their product is pretty crazy in and of itself. Gene patents, or just the concept of gene patents, are pretty scary. The idea that some company or individual (who would probably be bought out by a company) can take a living organism and own a patent on it is unbelievable. One day in the future they'll probably start patenting cancer genes and if you get that particular type of cancer you'll have to keep paying the patent owner for the rights to 'own' that cancer until their 'cure' works.  Maybe I'm a little paranoid but the way the Supreme Court is run--corporations are our friends, citizens go fuck yourselves--I would not be that surprised. "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 05-02-10 12:41am - 5348 days | #8 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
Also the way Apple pursues people and cases is pretty scary. Just read some of their actions here. I honestly like some of their products but I am not a big fan of their compounds--I mean stores--I'm worried I might do something wrong and get 'disappeared' by their members/staff.  "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove Edited on May 02, 2010, 12:48am | |
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