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| Porn Users Forum » So I got into bricklaying to make more money to spend on the ladies. |
| 1-12 of 12 Posts | Page 1 |
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| 05-09-14 10:56am - 3880 days | Original Post - #1 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended  Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
So I got into bricklaying to make more money to spend on the ladies. Herewith is the story of my brief encounter at bricklaying as an occupation, and the accident report following my first day on the job ..... At an early age, Following my apprenticeship in bricklaying, I then felt I could do it all. Later ........after My wakeup call.... Dear sir ...... I'm writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put “trying to do the job alone" as the cause of the accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully ..... and I trust that the following details will be sufficient. .... On the day of the accident I was working alone on The roof of a new six-story building. But when I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground floor and untied the ropes, holding it tightly to insure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand Were two knuckles deep into the pulley., Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground --- and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed Approximately fifty pounds.. I refer you again to my weight of 135 pounds in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured Ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and, fortunately, only three vertebra were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks --- in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my presence of mind ...... I LET GO OF THE ROPE | |
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| 05-09-14 11:23am - 3880 days | #2 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended  Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
 An oldie but a goodie. It always brings a smile to my face. Thx for posting. Former PornUsers Senior Administrator Now at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 05-09-14 03:10pm - 3880 days | #3 | |
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biker (0)
Active User  Posts: 632 Registered: May 03, '08 Location: milwaukee, wi |
The following is a true story. Wanting to straighten the sheets and comforter on my bed, before going to sleep, I stood up in the center of the bed to shake them out so they would spread evenly across the for mentioned bed. Not realizing I was standing on the sheet, I pulled it out beneath me which pulled me down and I hit the back board and then crashed to the floor. A few moments later, when the pain ceased, I crawled under the covers as they were and prayed for sleep. Forest Gump's mother said it best, "Stupid is what stupid does." I've got more. Will save them for another day. Warning Will Robinson | |
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| 05-09-14 04:00pm - 3880 days | #4 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Awww, c'mon Biker .....if the others are as good as the one you just wrote ..... I don't think we wanna wait too long. | |
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| 05-09-14 07:12pm - 3880 days | #5 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
 Reminds me of a segment from an early MythBusters episode. If you haven't seen the show I should add that this is one of the first episodes and it isn't quite as cheesy anymore, plus there are usually more explosives and firearms involved. Or, for a very old comedic take on this, a scene from a Laurel and Hardy movie.  Thanks, graymane. "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 05-09-14 07:31pm - 3880 days | #6 | |
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biker (0)
Active User Posts: 632 Registered: May 03, '08 Location: milwaukee, wi |
When I was a heavy drinker, I would go to a friends house after the bars closed to have a couple more before calling it a night. He always had a party going on during the weekend, so I was always welcome. One night, he was out and there was nobody home. I had to take a piss real bad and counted on using his facilities. I found myself in serious condition. Walking away I realized he lived across from a parkway filled with trees. Delighted that the tress would offer me cover and would help me in my desperate need, I began to run toward them. In the the darkness the trees loomed in front of me like a blessing. Suddenly I was flying. After landing on the ground I could see the trees were growing in a six foot deep trench that I had just ran off the edge of. I landed with little harm, but some shock. Examining my situation I found the sharp broken end of a limb stuck in my coat. It had missed piercing my chest by inches. To my surprise, I did not piss in my pants. Lesson: Don't run into dark areas when you don't know anything about the topography or stop drinking oneself into stupidity. I finally did the latter after a few more years. Warning Will Robinson | |
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| 05-09-14 09:38pm - 3880 days | #7 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
I came across this very old clip, along with a couple other very funny and clever published works -- that undoubtedly has to go back well-over 40 years ago .....thus staying with me through thick-an-thin, miraculously surviving moves to as many as three other different States. At the time (and still is) I've found this to be absolutely the funniest thing in print I'd ever come across. Having dug it out accidently the other day as I was preparing to divest myself of clinging, lifetime, yet totally worthless clutter ....that had accumulated to a point that, had my dwellings ever come to the attention of the fire-department, I WOULD BE IN A WORLD OF DO-DO. But this piece has, and always will be among my very favorite piece of clutter ....AND IT AIN'T GOIN' ANYWHERE. Reading it over and over and getting the usual hardy guffaw it somehow always awards me..... It immediately occurred to me that I absolutely had to share it with my PU-brethren. Hence the thread. Thanks to all for the favorable response its so far garnered.....  Edited on May 09, 2014, 11:23pm | |
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| 05-09-14 11:08pm - 3880 days | #8 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Once a Biker in need of a diaper .... But Now it's a Biker who's become a writer .... and a doggone good one at that! You're on a roll, man! your thoughts-in-print just gets better and better! So Who we foolin' ...you don't need writer schoolin' ....you got Porn User doubter defusing accompanied by ongoing gray matter infusing. Oh, and about the latter from you on this post! I particularly like the part where you got off the hooch! It can only get better as the craving ain't misbehaving. | |
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| 05-10-14 01:43pm - 3879 days | #9 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
Fortunately I haven't had this happen to me, but a lesson for anyone for who decides to shit in the woods: be very careful what you wipe with! Maybe I'm biased just because I grew up in an area with lots of poison ivy so I know what it looks like, but try to figure out what plant you're about to grab before deciding to clean your ass with it.  Or maybe nature really is just a cruel mistress after all, something I wish people would understand before they spout "But it's natural!" "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 05-11-14 10:02am - 3878 days | #10 | |
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Capn (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,740 Registered: Sep 05, '09 Location: Near the Beer! |
Gerard Hoffnung.  Pure class. Cap'n.  Admiral of the PU Hindenburg. 2009 PU AwardHilarious Post of the Year 2010 PU Award ( I would have preferred it to be Helpful Post of the Year for Guys who Hate 'Retail Therapy' ) :0/ Sanity is in the eye of the Beholder! | |
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| 05-13-14 01:48am - 3876 days | #11 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Thanks a bunch, Capn, for bringing this up. Before now, I never knew where it came from or originated. You'd think I'd "HAVE THE PRESENCE OF MIND" to do like you did and simply look it up. You couldn't have passed on to us a more significant piece of information.  PS .... Can you imagine the horrendous laughter that went on during his monologue of this story to all those guys at Oxford Union? | |
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| 05-13-14 06:47am - 3876 days | #12 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
Rereading this reminded me of one other great who's made me laugh more times than I can count (even if that wasn't always the point)--Jackie Chan, seen here falling not quite six stories. It's not a stunt double (of course) or a trick shot, just a nice multi-angled fall to the ground, broken only by his shoulder or ribs, or possibly both. "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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