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| Porn Users Forum » A 2011 list of dumb and dumber stuff still needed dumping by porn purveyors |
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| 05-15-11 03:51pm - 4876 days | Original Post - #1 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended  Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
A 2011 list of dumb and dumber stuff still needed dumping by porn purveyors 1) Ongoing Screamers (breaking the sound barrier) from some gal performers during sexual activity. 2) Unecessary other distracting noises going on throughout their scenes. 3) Non-stop Ahhhhing, Ohoooooing, ughing, as well as other blantantly phoney utterances -- Which includes, but not limited to, "fuck me harder" , "shit", "oh shit", etc....I think you get my drift. 4) Male performers humilating, verbally and physically abusing their partners..ie., "you bitch" "you slut" "you whore" and , of course, the insane practice of agressively slapping hell out their face, tits and asses. 5) Facials: I know I'm beating a dead horse, here, but will this egregiously mandatory sex event ever go away? 6) cum-shots. Could somebody please tell me whats so appealing about seeing jets of seamen shot out of a guy's cock or have it deposited all over a woman's face? 7) Closeups: they're nice to see, but do we really need microscopically long and tedious focus on a woman's genitalia or, (gag!) the ill-consuming sight of a guy's hairy ass pumping away atop his partner. 8. Too much time spent on the obligitory fellato and cunnilingus scenes before the fucking starts. 9) An idiotic guy's voice going on in the background or accomanying solo scenes. 10) Incredibilly stupid cameramen casting shadows, making unecessary noises, and otherwise fucking up the scenes with piss-poor video shooting. 11) Mammary endowed porn stars who're obsessed with their tits -- forcing us to watch an endless jostling, licking, and otherwise manually toying with them before giving us but a fraction of what we're waiting to see. (Aria Giovanni comes immediately to mind). Therein are but a few porn-related items that I'd like to see take a hike.  The list is open, ......Got anything to add.....or subtract? | |
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| 05-15-11 04:10pm - 4876 days | #2 | |
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EverlastingEdge (0)
Active User Posts: 31 Registered: May 01, '11 |
Oiling the girl up Writing on their foreheads Upside down piledrivers Cumming on women when their in the piledriver position Close ups on their bum hole until the women pulls it all out until you can see right inside their rectum | |
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| 05-15-11 04:40pm - 4876 days | #3 | |
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rearadmiral (0)
Active User Posts: 1,453 Registered: Jul 16, '07 Location: NB/Canada |
Excellent topic, graymane! I can't add to the list right now, because my brain never seems to work well on Sunday evenings. But I will add some comments on your well-thought-out list. 1) Ongoing Screamers (breaking the sound barrier) from some gal performers during sexual activity. Agree 100%. The worst I can think of are two teen twins who've gone through a bunch of names in the business. Cali Marie and Kylie Marie is the name I usually stick with, though one of them went by Cherish for a while and collectively they�ve gone by "The Milton Twins" too. Anyway, these two (Kylie Marie, aka Cherish is the worst of the two though) have this exceptionally annoying "oh oh oh" that goes CONSTANTLY through the scene. It doesn't happen often, but I have turned the sound off on several of their scenes. 2) Unecessary other distracting noises going on throughout their scenes. Agreed. The people who work on the technical bits of porn need to plan better to avoid these sort of things. Would Coppola have won the acclaim for The Godfather if he didn't care that the gaffer farted during the restaurant scene where Michael kills Sollozzo and the crooked cop? 3) Non-stop Ahhhhing, Ohoooooing, ughing, as well as other blantantly phoney utterances -- Which includes, but not limited to, "fuck me harder" , "shit", "oh shit", etc....I think you get my drift. Agreed again. See my comments to your point #1 above. I might also add, as a big fan of anal sex scenes, that I find any use of the word "shit" during such a scene to be inappropriate. If the lass feels the need to say something, stick with something like "Pummel my bum with your meat stick, baby!" 4) Male performers humilating, verbally and physically abusing their partners..ie., "you bitch" "you slut" "you whore" and , of course, the insane practice of agressively slapping hell out their face, tits and asses. Agreed again. I think a pattern is forming here. I think that the rise in this kind of activity in mainstream porn is linked to the rise of porn by and for self-centered and self-indulgent male turds who think that the porn is somehow about them. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the male in a porn scene is nothing more than a prop. His job is to make himself unmemorable and focus all the attention on the lady. As he pummels her bum, of course. The exception to this rule is in scenes where it actually fits with the theme. As in BDSM stuff. 5) Facials: I know I'm beating a dead horse, here, but will this egregiously mandatory sex event ever go away? Well it had to happen: I don't agree with you on this one. I sure hope that this "egregiously mandatory sex event" never goes away. In fact, I want to see it as an Olympic event. Think how many teenage unwanted pregnancies are avoided by the simple act of the lad depositing his goo on a ladies face. 6) cum-shots. Could somebody please tell me whats so appealing about seeing jets of seamen shot out of a guy's cock or have it deposited all over a woman's face? See number 5, above. You clearly forget that one of the books in the Gnostic Gospels says that the facial is an act to bring oneness with the Lord. Seriously. It's one of the shorter books though. 7) Closeups: they're nice to see, but do we really need microscopically long and tedious focus on a woman's genitalia or, (gag!) the ill-consuming sight of a guy's hairy ass pumping away atop his partner. I think I'm 50/50 on this one. I'm not a huge fan of close-ups, but sometimes I do enjoy a nice view of a woman's anus. That way I can imagine that I'm so close to her (Tanner Mayes') bum that my nose is actually IN her vagina. But the inadvertent (and I sure hope these are inadvertent) close ups of a guy's hairy ass as he pummels a wee lass's bum are best left on the editing room floor. 8. Too much time spent on the obligitory fellato and cunnilingus scenes before the fucking starts. Can't agree here either, my friend. Foreplay is important and I want to see it all. Seeing a lady lying back and enjoying cunnilingus and analingus is important to the artistic merit of a scene. 9) An idiotic guy's voice going on in the background or accomanying solo scenes. Depends, but mostly I don't agree with you on this. I know I'm not with the majority, but for some reason I really like hearing the cameraman or director give directions. It helps when they're in English. ALS Scan does this well. 10) Incredibilly stupid cameramen casting shadows, making unecessary noises, and otherwise fucking up the scenes with piss-poor video shooting. Agreed. I think this is again related to the rise of porn by and for self-centered and self-indulgent male turds who think that the porn in somehow about them. Any idiot thinks he can grab a camera and pay a chick $50 to blow him and he is now a serious porn producer. These guys should just fuck the fuck off. 11) Mammary endowed porn stars who're obsessed with their tits -- forcing us to watch an endless jostling, licking, and otherwise manually toying with them before giving us but a fraction of what we're waiting to see. (Aria Giovanni comes immediately to mind). Hmmm... strangely, I have no opinion here. I'd like to, but of the several terabytes of porn I have I don't think that I have any scenes with a model with even C-cup breasts. I'm an A-cup man myself. But I trust your opinion so I'll take your word that this is bad and agree with you. Edited on May 15, 2011, 04:47pm | |
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| 05-15-11 05:01pm - 4876 days | #4 | |
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rearadmiral (0)
Active User Posts: 1,453 Registered: Jul 16, '07 Location: NB/Canada |
I’m not siding with graymane simply because he started the thread and we have to treat him nice in case he gets mad at us, and I’m not picking on you, but… Oiling the girl up No, no. no! I can’t agree at all. I’ll agree that this shouldn’t be a porn thing – it should be a Sacrament! Rearadmiral’s Church of Holy Oils. This week only (and next week too): Free Facials! Writing on their foreheads I’m sitting on the fence with this one. In a standard porn scene it is just stupid. And it would probably stop immediately if the female talent dealt with it appropriately. Grab the marker and shove it up the male talent’s ass. But in BDSM scenes where humiliation and power imbalance are part of the theme, I’m okay with it. And here it would be appropriate for the male talent (the Dom) to stick the marker up the female talent’s (the sub) ass. Upside down piledrivers Agreed here too. I have no idea what the point is of this position. Two things always come to mind when I see one: they’re fucking showing off, and I wonder if his dick will break. Cumming on women when their in the piledriver position As I said above, I agree with you on the piledriver issue, but not on the cumshot issue. Facials and body shots prevent unwanted babies. (Please note that babies are definitely NOT welcome in Rearadmiral’s Church of Holy Oils. Close ups on their bum hole until the women pulls it all out until you can see right inside their rectum I’ll tell you what. Let’s agree to a compromise on this. I’ll agree with you on this forum if you send me all the pictures and videos you have where this occurs. I’ll give them a good home. | |
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| 05-15-11 05:25pm - 4876 days | #5 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Damed, Admiral, for somebody who says his brain's on a Sunday break, you certainly make a solidly convincing five-star arguement. And it's done with the smoothness and finesse of a Statesman. With your rebuttal skill, You'd give the late Perry Mason's character a real run for his money. Thanks for the informative reply. | |
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| 05-15-11 05:30pm - 4876 days | #6 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Thanks for adding some very important rants....I totaly agree. | |
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| 05-15-11 06:40pm - 4876 days | #7 | |
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Tree Rodent (0)
Active User  Posts: 708 Registered: Oct 29, '08 Location: UK |
Find myself agreeing as usual. This leads to the questions - Why do they do it? Do they think this is what is wanted? Are they right? The screamers and phony fuck me harder brigade lead me to just turning the sound off. Complete turn off. Are most men so stupid they actually think this is what women sound like when they're turned on? | |
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| 05-15-11 07:14pm - 4876 days | #8 | |
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Monahan (0)
Active User  Posts: 348 Registered: Jan 17, '07 Location: SF Valley, CA |
OK, I agree that graymane's list is pretty much comprehensive and match mine. My additions are minor: 1. The silly interviews (when did you start your porn career?, when was your first fuck?*, etc.) WGAF? [Who Gives a Fuck?] Use the time to show off the babe's PTA. [Pussy Tits and Ass] *If the answers are accurate there are a whole lot of statutory rape charges pending! 2. The extended jerk-off near the end when the stunt dick can't shoot a load. Why can't they just cut the sausage massage out of the video and, if they must, have the dick squirt his load as if the babe, not his fist, made him come. 3. While a talented blow job can be a superb turn on, there are way too many scenes where the babe functions more like a reciprocating pump; in and out with absolutely no passion or sex appeal. 4. The cameraman who has no clue and does close-ups on the dude's hairy scrotum when the babe with great boobs (example, Gianna Michaels) wobbling is giving the crew hard-ons but we horndogs miss the good stuff. 5. The cameraman who stays on one shot far too long like 2 or 3 minute BJ's. | |
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| 05-16-11 09:27am - 4875 days | #9 | |
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Capn (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,740 Registered: Sep 05, '09 Location: Near the Beer! |
The ubiquitous 'glamour wear.' Why do they still use so much of this stuff? Everyday wear both formal & casual, would be far more believable. Cap'n.  Admiral of the PU Hindenburg. 2009 PU AwardHilarious Post of the Year 2010 PU Award ( I would have preferred it to be Helpful Post of the Year for Guys who Hate 'Retail Therapy' ) :0/ Sanity is in the eye of the Beholder! | |
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| 05-16-11 10:36am - 4875 days | #10 | |
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messmer (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 2,582 Registered: Sep 12, '07 Location: Canada |
You are talking "pictures" Cap'n because in most DVDs they don't wear clothes long enough, if at all, for one to be able to see if they are glam or everyday. Which is my beef! But no matter which things annoy us or disgust us .. my answer is: yes, the larger public must love it or the producers wouldn't keep churning out stuff like it. Supply and demand rules here as well. If everyone disliked everything we few in this forum dislike 90 percent of all porn sites would disappear within a couple of months. | |
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| 05-16-11 02:15pm - 4875 days | #11 | |
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rearadmiral (0)
Active User Posts: 1,453 Registered: Jul 16, '07 Location: NB/Canada |
I definitely agree with this! I'd much rather see a scene start with the girl wearing normal street clothes like jeans, a skirt or shorts than that silly PVC or vinyl clubwear and 8" heels. | |
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| 05-16-11 04:42pm - 4875 days | #12 | |
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Drooler (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 1,831 Registered: Mar 11, '07 Location: USA |
A lot of the stuff that people have listed are sound items. I usually watch my porn with no sound (ragtime piano optional). Can't stand to hear that stupid "Fuck that pussy!" and such or the girl screaming until the glass breaks somewhere. But the visual stuff is stupid, too. The piledrivers, the prolonged closeups, especially of the girl's face (or far worse than that, the man's face or the hideous man ass). Too much of that and it's drag to bin, right click, GONE!! I wanted something new, so I left England for New England. | |
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| 05-16-11 05:35pm - 4875 days | #13 | |
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rearadmiral (0)
Active User Posts: 1,453 Registered: Jul 16, '07 Location: NB/Canada |
I honestly can’t think of anything specific that hasn’t been mentioned before, but as a kind of porn theme, I really, really hate “douchebag” porn. You probably know what I mean, even if you call it something else. It’s the kind of porn that is made by (usually) younger guys who celebrate their uniqueness by dressing like the rest of their friends and wearing a ball cap sideways. And they all seem to have the same tattoos. These guys make porn for themselves, not for the viewer. Think Shorty Mac and you’ll understand what I mean, but ethnic background has nothing to do with it. My beef with this kind of porn is that the focus is mostly on the guys. This isn’t gay porn! A boy-girl scene obviously needs a guy, but the details of who or what that guy is are no more important than if the sex takes place on a couch or a bed. The guy is a prop! Nothing more. His job is to shut up and NEVER upstage the female talent. His goal should be to stay out of the way as much as possible and help the girl show herself off in the best way. When that’s done, pop a load on her face (sorry graymane…!), collect your $200 and go home. Here’s an example of a scene where the guy understands his role: on Jurassic Cock, the guys are obviously part of the set up. Yet there, the guys clearly know that they aren’t the reason people are viewing the scenes. There is one scene with Ron Jeremy and Cheyenne Collins where he gets her to do a little strip tease for him and then he lays her on the couch and goes down on her. He has her lie in such a way to really show off her body. Could it be distracting that the guy happens to be Ron Jeremy? Sure it could, but Ron knows the scene is all about Ms. Cooper and not him. In another scene, an old geezer I recognize but can’t name does an outdoor scene with Lexi Diamond. There is one segment where she’s sitting on this folding chair and leaned back as he fucks her. He is repulsive in the same way we’ll all be at that age (yes, we will…) but he’s barely noticeable because he helps Lexi stay in an awkward position that shows her amazing body off. That’s the work of directors and talent who know what they’re doing. Not these wanna-be porn guys who think that porn is about them. And I didn’t make the promise this time to be non-judgmental. I hate it when porn guys try to take the limelight from the girls. Here endeth the rant.  | |
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| 05-16-11 05:42pm - 4875 days | #14 | |
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jberryl69 (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 1,000 Registered: Nov 27, '10 Location: neverland |
IDK - there is something perverse about a girl licking one of those pooched out rectums - I have no clue what it is, but it's even better when it's a cum cocktail.... Now there's a rant for ya.  If it ain't grits, it must be a Yankee.If you're going to lay her head over the pool table and fuck her throat, get your fucking hand off her throat! | |
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| 05-16-11 08:07pm - 4875 days | #15 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Nice rant, Admiral. A textbook sample of old farts clinging to what's left of their waning boners. Is it a coincident or what? Just today I got in the mail an ad for enhancement devices that bring "erection on demand." It touts a 98% success rate. Had a long phone conversation with a company sales Rep. who says it gives sex a whole new dimension. I asked him if that meant it comes with a real woman attached. Medicare picks up the $225 tab. All I need to do now is run it by, and, convince my Primary Care Physician I really need the thing. ( I really don't, but what the hell, if it'll give me "new dimension" ...... well hey! I'm all for that.)  Only thing, though, is that my "physician" is a stunning Babe... begging the question: How do I ask her for that sort of thing? | |
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| 05-17-11 12:28am - 4875 days | #16 | |
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Belthazar (0)
Active User Posts: 27 Registered: Jan 13, '07 Location: Prague |
Stop doing stupid all sorts of those XXX Parodies - it is boring - try to make porn movie with decent plot and decent talents. Women: Different hardware, same software | |
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| 05-17-11 12:50am - 4875 days | #17 | |
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RustyJ (0)
Suspended Posts: 79 Registered: Aug 04, '10 |
I hate this "dirty talk" so much that it alone would keep me sticking to Euro porn (non English/German). Only thing that's worse is when they start doing it in a language they struggle with. | |
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| 05-17-11 03:01am - 4875 days | #18 | |
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Drooler (0)
Disabled User Posts: 1,831 Registered: Mar 11, '07 Location: USA |
"Douchebag Porn." I like the term. Maybe it's a new niche/warning for us to avoid it. I wanted something new, so I left England for New England. | |
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but he�s barely noticeable because he helps Lexi stay in an awkward position that shows her amazing body off. That�s the work of directors and talent who know what they�re doing. Not these wanna-be porn guys who think that porn is about them.| 05-17-11 09:35am - 4874 days | #19 | |
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mbaya (0)
Suspended  Posts: 891 Registered: Jul 07, '08 Location: new jersey |
I think a lot of the problem here is that porn producers are trying to play it safe, doing what they have seen in other pornos. Another problem is that those who come up with these lame ideas for porn are dull, uncreative, and simply out to get laid. If they do, it must be because they are great guys who are a gift to women. I like porn that is created by people who act reasonably normal, even if they like sex to an extreme. | |
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| 06-12-11 12:35pm - 4848 days | #20 | |
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theegrimrobe (0)
Active User Posts: 10 Registered: Jun 12, '11 Location: england |
a lot of these reasons are why i dont watch a lot of porn -- i stick to pictures instead for the videos i do watch i tend to stick to solo or girl-girl as it tends to be less filled with that sort of stuff ofc it comes with its own problems some of the dreadful noises they make how much of it is softcore (where is the fisting, large dildos, anal and insertions and that sort of stuff) the reliance on smaller models (mostly) i love bigger women too i am abomination | |
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| 06-21-11 03:53pm - 4839 days | #21 | |
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pinkerton (0)
Active User  Posts: 151 Registered: Jan 13, '07 Location: UK |
I think "less is more" and "keep it simple" are approaches that could be applied to a lot of porn sites these days. All I need from a porn scene is: 1. A bit of a story though now I think about it, that's optional and I could take or leave it. 2. An attractive girl - doesn't have to be a babe, just sexually alluring. 3. Balanced oral sex - I like to see a guy going down on a girl as well as her sucking his cock, and 69s are great. 4. Just the natural sound of sex without fake moans and screams. I find that scenes where you can hear the rapid deep breaths of the girl being fucked are more appealing than those where she's screaming and throwing her head back. 5. Various positions but not necessarily each and every position. 6. A cum shot which doesn't involve the guy wanking himself off, but rather the girl does it, or he pulls out and cums on her body or face. In that respect, I highly rate most of the hardcore scenes in onlycuties.com Just my two cents worth. | |
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