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| Porn Users Forum » Letter to Santa |
| 1-39 of 39 Posts | Page 1 |
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| 11-30-13 06:17pm - 4039 days | Original Post - #1 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended  Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Letter to Santa Dear Santa ........ Jus' wanted to bring to your attention that its been a long time since you left me anything at this, your special time of the year when "giving" is paramount. My age, you might ask? Well, I'm way up there, but its no secret not only have I been clinically diagnosed, but socially confirmed by having it yelled in my face from people who're supposed to be close to me "that I have the mind of a two-year-old." Shouldn't that Qualify picking up where we'd left off getting toys when I was a kid? I know I've been naughty, an all, but lovin' and caring for you as I do, I would expect, all things considered, you'd appreciate me reminding you, you know, like, lets say for the sake of wear-an-tear on your heart and staying healthy for the future of kids around the world, that you're still a big fat old guy hauling around a big sack on your back, propped on your sizably ample ass, an' all, not to mention my concern for all those annual scrapes and bruises poppin' in and out all those damned tight chimneys. And not to appear being an "ass-kisser, an' all ....but make it clear I know you have a big heart to go with all that blubber. Lookin'n back, I know I've picked up some bad habits since I was just a kid. One of'em that I know you won't forget about me was that time crawling across the attic floor and carving a see-through hole overlooking the adjoining bedroom ceiling of that young couple who lived next door. I even left you a note about it should you ....well (blush) wanna, like use it on a night Mrs. Santa's cut you off. I gotta say If you ever did get a gander of our neighbor's wife and her darlin' tight ass, then that alone should be compensation for filling my stocking every year. Oh, and by the way, could you, like, forget the candy an'nuts ... just stuff some hot porno visuals in it's place? I'd also lov'it if you left me some prostrate-friendly (blush) mind-blowing orgasmic motorized toys. Cuz, you know, even at my advanced age, well ....I still need to wack ol' "fender-bender" ever nights ...and (more blushing ) maybe also on days twice or more times. It really helps to give me something "moving" to do while waiting for my Social Security check. Oh, and speaking of my hanging chimney stocking .... an' please don't be offended; in fact you should take it as a compliment ....well, anyway, you being so famous, an all, it would be a supreame pleasure, because (blush now becoming a sweat) I get off on naked celebrated ladies. An' may I say I'll bet Mrs. Clause is a smokin' little number herself; and because she's near my age, I'd ask for nothing more than a sex taping of you and the little lady ....... you know, like doing it. Let me finish by reminding you that you'll still be around long after my equipment "throws-a-rod" .....so please, indulge me this perhaps last Xmas I'm still able to slam-an-ram". well, at least in my fantasies. | |
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| 11-30-13 10:10pm - 4039 days | #2 | |
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Thedebilman666 (0)
Suspended  Posts: 144 Registered: Dec 08, '10 Location: NYC |
Not to start anything here, but total hypocrite jargon has just been spewed forth upon us. 6 pack bitches, deal with it | |
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| 11-30-13 10:56pm - 4039 days | #3 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Hell, man ..... unless this is one of your "jokes" -- from where I'm sitting I can see "starting anything" staring me right in the face. Back off! Edited on Dec 01, 2013, 02:33am | |
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| 12-01-13 12:02am - 4039 days | #4 | |
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Thedebilman666 (0)
Suspended Posts: 144 Registered: Dec 08, '10 Location: NYC |
Twit? Is that your little girls name for twat? And no, I don't have any sorts of compassion for pedohiles, you should all be shot in the dick and dragged through the streets until there is nothing left left but a big ball of red, inedible meat for the rats to feed on. Don't make me quote you from your latest poll posts...do not make me, cause you know I will and embarrass your old senile ass even more than I already did, following "pre teen" models, you sick fuck...that's quote 1 of 1, want more?  6 pack bitches, deal with it Edited on Dec 01, 2013, 12:30am | |
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| 12-01-13 02:07am - 4039 days | #5 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Beware, PU regulars. our self-proclaimed demonic visitor is back up from his hole where he apparently dwells. I suppose we can again expect another endless barrage of  crawling from a vacant cranium and out of this dumb-ass's filthy mouth. This thread is shot to hell anyway because he's choose to post on it, so I guess I'll hereafter be defending myself roach spraying. And I ain't gonna let this turd again back me against the wall. I'm coming back at this weak ass motor-mouth every time he opens his blacken yapper. And if this intellect-starved buffoon can't open his stoned, blood-shot eyes and see the light of day, then I expect he'll have us both thrown off the site. That'll be a sad day, but I ain't gonna take anymore of his barnyard crap. Speaking of barnyard, you can check out my recent poll and get another chapter and verse countering with this barroom spittoon. Edited on Dec 01, 2013, 02:54am | |
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| 12-01-13 05:29am - 4039 days | #6 | |
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Denner (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,217 Registered: Mar 03, '07 Location: Denmark |
Graymane, ol' friend - do not bother - but then again things certainly have changed here at PU - and maybe the reason that a lot of "the old guard" are less active.....take care and  "I don't drink anymore - I freeze it, and eat it like a popcicle" | |
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| 12-01-13 06:09am - 4039 days | #7 | |
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jberryl69 (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 1,000 Registered: Nov 27, '10 Location: neverland |
 If it ain't grits, it must be a Yankee.If you're going to lay her head over the pool table and fuck her throat, get your fucking hand off her throat! | |
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| 12-01-13 07:57am - 4039 days | #8 | |
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rearadmiral (0)
Active User Posts: 1,453 Registered: Jul 16, '07 Location: NB/Canada |
Jesus... what the hell just happened??? Did I accidentally log in to a different forum? What happened to the legendary decorum that this site is known for?  | |
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| 12-01-13 08:33am - 4039 days | #9 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended  Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
graymane, you are welcome to re-post your initial post to a new thread to give it a fresh start. Former PornUsers Senior Administrator Now at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 12-01-13 08:35am - 4039 days | #10 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
That forum is still here. It seems that some users, despite being warned repeatedly, just can't play well with others. It's been taken care of. Former PornUsers Senior Administrator Now at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 12-01-13 08:36am - 4039 days | #11 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
jberryl69, with regards to your post on trolls ... I love it !!  Former PornUsers Senior AdministratorNow at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 12-01-13 09:54am - 4039 days | #12 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User  Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
Since graymane started and I enjoyed his letter to Santa then here is mine. Dear Santa. I tend to be one of those people who prefers giving then receiving so here is what I'd like to ask for Christmas. Could you please try to make sure that 2014 be the return of great porn so that all of us old farts who remember the better days and long for their return can finally get some satisfaction. I don't expect this in January but March seems like a good time to start. Now since my request is a little vague then let me list some of the things that I believe many others would like to see. These are in no particular order so I leave it to your excellent judgement on how you will go about getting it done. I'd like more companies shooting porn with better budgets, less gonzo and more scenario based porn, more passionate sex instead of extreme penetration, More clothes than just a bikini at the beginning of the scene, more kissing instead of spitting in the face or mouth, less chocking and gagging and a whole lot more caressing, performers that shoot more than two scenes and then disappear and finally the use of condoms in porn on a regular basis (that one is for me). P.S: I would really appreciate it if you could somehow make sure that all Tube Sites get turned off and their owners prosecuted then I would be that much more grateful. Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 12-01-13 01:39pm - 4039 days | #13 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Thanks all for your kind support. Already having to deal with a myriad of crippling health problems, the last of which is a recently botched cervical surgery that's kept me in a rigid and bulky neck collar, extending all the way up the rear of my head .....almost completely immobilizing my ability to turn my head in any direction. Its been on for ten months .....and that's not the worse of it. It stays on; and I'm warned never to take it off (except for only 30 minutes to bathe) And from the looks of things, there's a sad chance I'll have to go back for correctional surgery .... this time removing an even greater section of my spine. The surgeon makes no bones (excuse the pun) about the aftermath of such being considerably more difficult than the previous one. That surgery, by the way, left me with a life-threating double blood clot, a malady that could any day flake off sending fragments to areas that would cause instant death. Now, I'd like to use all the above citing trauma and accompanying mental disorientation as an excuse for my juvenile behavior resulting from, and in the wake of this unfortunate encounter, certainly one that now has me riddled with guilt over the toll its likely taken on this site. But that is patently unacceptable. Accordingly, I wouldn't blame Khan if he simply booted my ass into the furthest orbit in our galaxy. finally, All the prescriptions in the world coming together yielding its maximum effect, couldn't begin to equal the serine impact of camaraderie that I feel toward the friends I have right here ......excuse me, but I think I'm on my second box of tissues. | |
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| 12-01-13 02:17pm - 4039 days | #14 | |
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Capn (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,740 Registered: Sep 05, '09 Location: Near the Beer! |
Don't be daft.  You are the innocent party here, my friend. Cap'n.  Admiral of the PU Hindenburg. 2009 PU AwardHilarious Post of the Year 2010 PU Award ( I would have preferred it to be Helpful Post of the Year for Guys who Hate 'Retail Therapy' ) :0/ Sanity is in the eye of the Beholder! | |
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| 12-01-13 03:14pm - 4039 days | #15 | |
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jberryl69 (0)
Disabled User Posts: 1,000 Registered: Nov 27, '10 Location: neverland |
lol - Graymane - your sense of sarcasm is so funny. Sorry you're falling apart friend - don't let them get the better of you. If it ain't grits, it must be a Yankee. If you're going to lay her head over the pool table and fuck her throat, get your fucking hand off her throat! | |
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| 12-01-13 08:16pm - 4038 days | #16 | |
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biker (0)
Active User  Posts: 632 Registered: May 03, '08 Location: milwaukee, wi |
Graymane: In another forum we would get a troll invading us and the lessen learned there is as Jerry has shown above; ignore them. They need attention. It matters not what kind of response you give them as long as they get attention. They are sad little ants on a lonely ant hill searching for attention and this is the only way they know how to get it. Don't give any more thought. Sad little ants aren't worth it. Biker Santa is going to give me my first Social Security check this December. So after the last couple of years I will have income. Thank goodness I had some money stashed away so I could hold out until this time came. Warning Will Robinson | |
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| 12-01-13 08:28pm - 4038 days | #17 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Thanks, JB, and you too, Pat362 for bringing this to my attention .... It always warms my heart when told by somebody, some comment, somehow, somewhere, I made to somebody, in some way, to some degree, for something I've made some effort, in some part, to get some feedback. Tell me JB, Was there any particular "sarcasm" in this case you were referring to? Because what you're giving me credit for might've simply been inadvertently presented with absolutely no real sarcasm intent at all. Of course I won't tell you that. Because for those quips that do work, just makes me try harder the next time. Admittedly, nothing lights my fire any more than being the source of genuine laughter. That's one reason I love this place and the gang who frequent it. We all make each other laugh and we let it be known. BTW .... I fully and completely share khan's response to that awesome cartoon you posted. I mean, nothing/anywhere could be more apropos and fit the intent with verse and illustrating than what you so brilliantly posted on #7. Don't know where you get these things, but everything you throw in to represent a theme is tailor-made. | |
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| 12-01-13 09:38pm - 4038 days | #18 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
What you have so eloquently pointed out here, biker, I have to admit I should've already known. But I'm glad it came from you, because you've said it sooo much better. twenty years ago or less I'd have settled this thing with my fists. And although in my present condition that option is now history, it burns, burns, burns to be stripped of that action when faced with this kind of situation. On a more positive note ...... Congrats. on your forthcoming SS check. Did you hold off 'till age 65 or, like me, couldn't wait and regrettably opted for the lesser sum. You know, while reading about your wise choice having saved and put away for this time in your life ... and now with your added SS income to boost your spending ability, and at the same time insure a feel-good independence, thus a quality of life envied by those growing up with you who took the opposite route .....contrarily must live out his waning years doing without. With the indoctrination from a loving and wise mother who taught and convinced me to follow the kind of path I'm assuming you've keenly adhered to, I'm here to say it paid off. Hang in there road-runner, your best years are ahead. | |
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| 12-01-13 10:12pm - 4038 days | #19 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
Guess it's good that is no longer an option since we have zero tolerance for threats of physical violance. 'nuff said Former PornUsers Senior Administrator Now at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 12-01-13 10:32pm - 4038 days | #20 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Sorry chief ..... I was thinkin' and adlibbing again out of my elements. You've got my word I won't push the envelope on this matter again. There's and old saying ...... don't let you tongue get in the way of your wisdom teeth when you're talkin" Should've thought of that before I had mine pulled. | |
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| 12-02-13 07:35am - 4038 days | #21 | |
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jberryl69 (0)
Disabled User Posts: 1,000 Registered: Nov 27, '10 Location: neverland |
"excuse me, but I think I'm on my second box of tissues."??? If it ain't grits, it must be a Yankee. If you're going to lay her head over the pool table and fuck her throat, get your fucking hand off her throat! | |
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| 12-02-13 01:13pm - 4038 days | #22 | |
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Tree Rodent (0)
Active User  Posts: 708 Registered: Oct 29, '08 Location: UK |
Exactly. I was going to agree to something similar you said a few weeks ago, but thought even agreeing with you is a way of acknowledging, so I didn't bother. It's not like Trolls are evil, but they can be a nuisance and disrupt a forum. It's sad they have nothing else to do, so being a Troll has to be one of the saddest hobbies around. Sorry to hear about the problems Graymane, it's awful what age will do to you, but despite those health problems, you're always one of the most entertaining and respected members here. | |
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| 12-02-13 06:02pm - 4037 days | #23 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Many thanks, Squirrel. I appreciate your sentiments more than you know. While you're passin' out complimentary smokers, you need to tuck a couple in your own pocket; because I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the extraordinary caliber of guys I have the high privilege associating with on a daily basis. I find A gentle finesse exist here I don't find elsewhere. Edited on Dec 02, 2013, 06:23pm Edited by Staff on Dec 02, 2013, 07:52pm (Khan: fixed quoteback) | |
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| 12-03-13 06:32am - 4037 days | #24 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
My problem with trolls is that there is no way to have any kind of meaningful dialogue because no matter which point you put forward. They always have a reply that has nothing to do with what you wrote and worse is likely filled with vituperative. I used to try and have a conversation with trolls but I got tired of being called names and frankly it was obvious that no matter what I said. Those people were looking to cause trouble and nothing else. You have to be a pretty miserable person to troll the net because you basically make sure that you are a pariah on almost every forum. Who exactly considers that to be a kind of medal of honor? Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 12-03-13 02:19pm - 4037 days | #25 | |
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messmer (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 2,582 Registered: Sep 12, '07 Location: Canada |
Hey, guys, I am back and I must say that I missed you even though I looked in practically every day. Now that civility has returned to this forum I simply couldn't stay away any longer. So, anyone up to talking about strip teases and lingerie?   BTW, good post, graymane! | |
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| 12-03-13 02:38pm - 4037 days | #26 | |
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biker (0)
Active User Posts: 632 Registered: May 03, '08 Location: milwaukee, wi |
I am always in favor of strip teases. These sites where they just pound away get tiring awful fast. I like some seduction. So for Christmas I would like more sites that have more then just humping. Warning Will Robinson | |
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| 12-03-13 02:46pm - 4037 days | #27 | |
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messmer (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,582 Registered: Sep 12, '07 Location: Canada |
Hey, Pat, you posted a carbon copy of my letter. I'd accuse you of plagiarism if you hadn't been first! | |
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| 12-03-13 02:47pm - 4037 days | #28 | |
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messmer (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,582 Registered: Sep 12, '07 Location: Canada |
Exactly, biker. See my reply to Pat! | |
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| 12-03-13 02:47pm - 4037 days | #29 | |
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Capn (0)
Active User Posts: 1,740 Registered: Sep 05, '09 Location: Near the Beer! |
Welcome back, my friend. I am so pleased to see you post again! Well, I am still crusading for it! Cap'n. Admiral of the PU Hindenburg. 2009 PU AwardHilarious Post of the Year 2010 PU Award ( I would have preferred it to be Helpful Post of the Year for Guys who Hate 'Retail Therapy' ) :0/ Sanity is in the eye of the Beholder! | |
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| 12-03-13 02:54pm - 4037 days | #30 | |
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messmer (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,582 Registered: Sep 12, '07 Location: Canada |
I knew you would still be crusading, Cap'n! Keep up the good work and thanks for the welcome back. I appreciate it. | |
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| 12-03-13 03:35pm - 4037 days | #31 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Well hallelujah!! there is a God. With all due cause for breakin' out the Champaign , though, I'm having to toss a worthy recognition, and rising an equally hardy high-fives to wittyguy! Why? if you'll trot back to shortly after your announced departure, you'll see a very convincing post somewhere by witty predicting this very happenstance. I mean, its not like that was your first time. I suppose this is what Khan said was coming that would make me smile. And as usual, he's right. So jump right in, Bro ......get crackin' with that messmer-prose that we've so much been missing. Wanna remind you, also, our "bitichin' pot is gettin' mighty low. Subsequently, those stubborn porn-peddlers have had a field-day since you've been gone. Oh, cybertoad! its homecoming!...... get your ass back here! Edited on Dec 03, 2013, 03:50pm | |
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| 12-03-13 03:57pm - 4037 days | #32 | |
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messmer (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,582 Registered: Sep 12, '07 Location: Canada |
Why, thanks for your enthusiastic welcome back, brother! I don't have too many friends (actually none except my wife) in my every day life, so it feels good to be missed by someone. I'm out of "bitchin'" material at the moment so we'll have to wait to see what develops, but you can be sure that nothing will hold me back if I see something that gets me going. I doubt that Khan was talking about me but am glad you think so. I've really missed you gentlemen, even though I looked in almost every day, but it is not the same as participating.m. | |
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| 12-03-13 05:25pm - 4036 days | #33 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Oh yeah, I do indeed think this is what Khan meant. I mean, removing the source of a stench that's been pervading wall to wall off this forum, finally having it fully flushed down the John is not only icing .....but that and the whole cake to go with it. Didn't say it yet ... so welcome back. | |
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| 12-03-13 06:35pm - 4036 days | #34 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
I don't think I'm wrong when I say that everyone is glad to see you back messmer. Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 12-03-13 08:14pm - 4036 days | #35 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
messmer, I know I said it in email but allow me to add my hearty "welcome back" to those already posted. And yes, graymane ... messmer's return is what I predicted would bring a smile to your face.  Former PornUsers Senior AdministratorNow at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 12-03-13 09:38pm - 4036 days | #36 | |
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messmer (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,582 Registered: Sep 12, '07 Location: Canada |
Thanks, Pat. I missed every one of the regulars, too. | |
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| 12-03-13 09:45pm - 4036 days | #37 | |
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messmer (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,582 Registered: Sep 12, '07 Location: Canada |
Thanks, Khan , for your warm welcome back through email and in this post. I really had no idea that I would be able to bring a smile to anyone's face! Makes my day for sure.  | |
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| 12-05-13 01:15pm - 4035 days | #38 | |
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rearadmiral (0)
Active User Posts: 1,453 Registered: Jul 16, '07 Location: NB/Canada |
Welcome back messmer! Good to see you around here again. | |
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| 12-05-13 02:59pm - 4035 days | #39 | |
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messmer (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,582 Registered: Sep 12, '07 Location: Canada |
Thanks, rearadmiral. Nice to be back and good to see you again! | |
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