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| Porn Users Forum » female friends or family on porn site |
| 1-12 of 12 Posts | Page 1 |
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| 05-17-08 04:30pm - 6063 days | Original Post - #1 | |
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David19 (0)
Active User Posts: 32 Registered: May 16, '08 Location: California |
female friends or family on porn site I was wondering if any of you had ever had female friends or family members who were models on porn sites and, if so, how you dealt with it or felt about it. My mother, who is 41, is a chathost on ifriends. | |
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| 05-18-08 08:50pm - 6062 days | #2 | |
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Toadsith (0)
Active User  Posts: 936 Registered: Dec 07, '07 Location: USA |
Not as of yet, which is in some ways unfortunate because I'd love to know more about the industry from the inside perspective. I personally have absolutely no issues with anyone pursuing an occupation in the Adult Entertainment industry. I do know it tends to attract a larger percentage of people with various domestic problems, which is unfortunate, but I don't think the industry itself causes any of these problems directly. It might enable them a bit, but many professions do that to many problems. I read about an alcoholic that was bringing home lab-grade, pure alcohol with her every night in a gallon jug. So I guess the main approach for me would be to try to talk openly with the person about it in an effort to find out the origin of the decision. If they are just spicing up their life and having a great time, I'd support them whole heartedly. If they are just trying to make ends meet and are a bit or even very ashamed about it - then I'd try to help point them in a different direction. I see no reason to pussyfoot around the subject once it has been discovered - that just hurts both parties and delays and resolution. Plus, anyone entering the industry has to have considered, at some level, the possibility of friends or family discovering their new occupation. So I'd be amazed if they were entirely unprepared for the resulting conversation. "I'm not a number, I'm a free man!" Second Grand Order Poobah in the Loyal Order of the Water Buffalo | |
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| 05-19-08 02:50pm - 6061 days | #3 | |
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Goldfish (0)
Active User  Posts: 265 Registered: Jan 19, '08 Location: Boston, MA |
Hey David. How do you feel about your Mom working with ifriends? Is ifriends porn? I agree with Toadsith for the most part. I have no problem with the industry or the people who work in it. The only concerns I'd have for a family member or friend is how the rest of society will treat them because of their profession. | |
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| 05-19-08 05:25pm - 6061 days | #4 | |
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Wittyguy (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,138 Registered: Feb 04, '08 Location: Left Coast, USA |
Like Toadsith and Goldfish, I don't have any real hangups about people being in the business; hell, I'm a consumer of it after all. I think I would be concerned if a close friend or family member was pretty young (under 21 say) and getting into some the hardcore aspects of it. I would want to make sure that they had a grasp on the situation and weren't doing something that they might seriously regret later on or scar them emotionally. | |
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| 05-19-08 06:22pm - 6061 days | #5 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User  Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
I don't have any hangups either, but that's because I do not know anyone in the porn industry. I'll be honest and say that I wouldn't be too happy about it. It does make me a kind of hypocrite, but it's one thing to watch porn when the performers are stangers, and quite another when the person is known to me. I don't think I'd enjoy hearing a conversation about how great a fuck my Mother or sister or cousing was on screen, and God forbid seeing said member of family going at it. I like Toadsmith's approach about talking to the person prior to them getting into the biz, but I having read enough horror stories in the last decade. I'd have a hard time finding any positive reasons that aren't negated by overwhelmingly negative ones. As to David's specific case. I'm not exactly sure what ifriends and chat hosting is all about. Is this something like phone sex? If no one knows what your mother is doing then try not to worry too much about it. Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 05-20-08 12:15am - 6060 days | #6 | |
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David19 (0)
Active User Posts: 32 Registered: May 16, '08 Location: California |
Hi Goldfish, Yes, ifriends is porn. Link to the adult area follows: http://www.ifriends.net/adultwarn.htm When you subscribe to the site and provide your credit card, you can get to the individual chathosts' rooms by clicking on the appropriate link--you are then directed to a live webcam where you pay varying amounts of money (usually about $2.99/min). The girls who work as chathosts provide live online nude, masturbation, and sex shows. They work via webcam out of their own homes--my mother works from her computer in her bedroom (I don't live at home anymore). In terms of how I feel about it, it is complex. My mother is an attractive 41-year-old girl (who looks at least 10 years younger) who clearly knows what she is doing and can handle this--I totally support her in it. She told me what she was doing when I turned 18 and respected me as an adult by saying it was up to me to decide whether to visit her room--but she preferred I do so anonymously if so. However, sometimes I worry about how either her friends or my friends may react if they see her on there. I think that is the biggest concern. Of course if they react badly then they are not really friends--but I think my concern is with how they may react. | |
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| 05-20-08 07:33pm - 6060 days | #7 | |
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Goldfish (0)
Active User Posts: 265 Registered: Jan 19, '08 Location: Boston, MA |
Being a member of a porn forum I doubt I represent a majority but for what it's worth I'd never hold your mother's profession over your head as being bad or immoral. | |
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| 05-20-08 11:15pm - 6059 days | #8 | |
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David19 (0)
Active User Posts: 32 Registered: May 16, '08 Location: California |
Yes, but your choice of words..."[not] bad or immoral"...are the words that one uses to express a merely neutral or merely tolerant attitude. The real question, it seems to me, is...if you held a woman in the absolutely highest regard before discovering she worked on a porn site...someone you deeply admire...would you continue to hold her in the utmost regard even after learning she worked in porn? Or would you be tolerant but still shun her or treat her subtly differently after learning this? I personally am very proud of her for what she is doing. She says that when men she knows find out--the reaction is varied. No one treats her with outright disrespect but some are more guarded in their reactions to her outside of the chatroom. | |
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| 05-21-08 03:23am - 6059 days | #9 | |
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Toadsith (0)
Active User Posts: 936 Registered: Dec 07, '07 Location: USA |
"Tolerance" is certainly the the word of choice in the current socio-political atmosphere and I think it conveys an attitude that people are comfortable with that I am not. "Acceptance" would be the word I think the public forum should be looking for. For tolerance is saying that people's behavior needs an exemption to be allowed. It isn't the norm, but it is tolerated. Just how raccoons are tolerated in many suburbs - tolerated but not welcome. And to answer your question, of course it would change my viewpoint of any person to some degree. If, as you stated, they were a person I held in the highest regard prior to said revelation, then knowledge of their profession would not change my regard of them. Some topics of conversation would probably be unlocked, but I'd still see them as an interesting individual whose opinion respect and care about. The same goes if they were outed as an assassin or another similarly taboo profession. Only revelations that revealed that their entire opinions that were presented to me were a ruse would upset me. Like finding out that a close acquaintance was a member of the KKK or a similarly vile organization. But porn or prostitution? That is innocent enough, sex is a lovely thing. If someone enjoys an occupation that trades in it, I applaud them for having the constitution to go against the "moral majority" (ugh, I know) and pursue their passion. "I'm not a number, I'm a free man!" Second Grand Order Poobah in the Loyal Order of the Water Buffalo | |
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| 05-21-08 04:29am - 6059 days | #10 | |
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kkman112 (0)
Active User Posts: 56 Registered: Mar 31, '07 Location: United States |
If she was a good friend, I would not have a problem with it. I have not had any personal friends involved in porn, but a few were strippers and I had no problem with what they did. I may have a slight problem with it if I were dating the person and they dropped a bombshell. If it were just modeling nude or solo I would not have any issue with it, but sex with others would be a bit of an issue. I would at least have to talk it over with her and I would have more of an issue if it was not brought up in the beginning of the relationship. So it would be more of an issue of lying than what the profession is. | |
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| 05-21-08 10:37am - 6059 days | #11 | |
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Goldfish (0)
Active User Posts: 265 Registered: Jan 19, '08 Location: Boston, MA |
I've never been in that situation so I can't say. It is good to know the job hasn't affected your relationship with mom. | |
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| 05-23-08 03:20pm - 6057 days | #12 | |
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David19 (0)
Active User Posts: 32 Registered: May 16, '08 Location: California |
I wouldn't say that it has had no effect. I simply said that I am proud of her. She didn't tell me until I moved away from home, and she said that one effect of this is that I can never move back home. She feels it would be too uncomfortable a situation with me knowing what she is doing in her bedroom for hours at a time. But she also feels I should be able to make it on my own. I'm 19 years old and have a good job for a 19 year old--but obviously it adds a certain level of stress knowing that I can't move home. She says that it is not a bad thing anyways because at 19 I should be thinking of being independent not moving back to the nest. When the topic of my potentially visiting the chatroom online came up, she adopted a somewhat cold, businesslink tone (not a motherly tone) and said something along the following lines: "I'm not telling you this because I want or need your acceptance. I don't. I'm telling you this because you are a man and you need to know the ground rules. I'm also not telling you this because of any weird incestuous feelings because I have no such feelings. I am a professional providing a professional service and ultimately it is a business transaction. If you come into my chatroom it is a business transaction. I do not want to know who you are and you are to refer to me as 'Lisa', not as 'Mom'. You are a man like any man purchasing a transaction--you are not my son. Understand?" So definitely based on this it has changed the relationship--but I am certainly very proud of her still. | |
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