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| Porn Users Forum » Do you think marriages and/or relationships can survive if they're into swinging? |
| 1-15 of 15 Posts | Page 1 |
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| 07-08-10 08:19pm - 5280 days | Original Post - #1 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended  Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Do you think marriages and/or relationships can survive if they're into swinging? I knew a very happy couple who were dedicated swingers. They have kids, go to church, are involved in community affairs and are well thought of and respected by their peers. The latest news coming down reports them still happily married and still actively involved in a variety of swinger's clubs. My second wife and I were very serious about following suit...and went so far as to personally meet the officers and plan our first encounter. Do you have any thoughts to share with us on this seemingly taboo subject? | |
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| 07-08-10 10:29pm - 5280 days | #2 | |
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slutty (0)
Active User Posts: 475 Registered: Mar 02, '09 Location: Pennsylvania |
Do what makes you happy, if swinging makes them happy there is no reason to think they couldn't have a successful relationship. Different strokes for different folks. I think there are a lot more people out there involved in "swinging" or authorized-cheating or something of that nature than people recognize. Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited. | |
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| 07-09-10 03:25am - 5280 days | #3 | |
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BadMrFrosty (0)
Active User Posts: 124 Registered: Mar 05, '10 Location: Prague (Czech Republic) |
My girlfriend and I have been swinging a few times and have a very healthy relationship. If you are thinking about it, consider the following points: 1. Agree what you and your partner are comfortable with before you go. For example, I don't want my girlfriend playing around with any other guys so we stick to girls only. 2. If you or your partner are jealous you could be in for a pretty uncomfortable time. 3. Make sure one of you didn't talk the other one into doing it. It must be something you both equally want to try. 4. Don't even consider that swinging will help repair some problems in the relationship. If you are not a strong couple going in, that wont change with swinging and could be actually made worse. 5. Don't be scared to go along to a club. The places we have been to are not dens of sexual depravity, you wont be expected to do anything you don't want to. On some occasions we didn't find anyone we were sexually attracted to so we just chatted and had drinks or just had sex together without any 3rd person involved. The problem with the world is stupidity. Not saying there should be capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? Frank Zappa | |
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| 07-10-10 01:33pm - 5279 days | #4 | |
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Capn (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,740 Registered: Sep 05, '09 Location: Near the Beer! |
My opinion is short term it is probably OK. In the longer term the chances are either partner will find somebody they would rather be with. I certainly would not be prepared to run that risk. Cap'n. Admiral of the PU Hindenburg. 2009 PU Award Hilarious Post of the Year 2010 PU Award ( I would have preferred it to be Helpful Post of the Year for Guys who Hate 'Retail Therapy' ) :0/ Sanity is in the eye of the Beholder! | |
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| 07-10-10 07:28pm - 5278 days | #5 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User  Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
Since my idea of a realtionship or mariage is a one on one affair then swinging is definitely not part of the equation I know people do it and claim that they are in an healthy, respectful relationship but what does it say when you want to sleep with other people or introduce another person in the mix. Last I checked sex with strangers is often the cause of single mothers, abortions, adoptions, divorces and STD's. Whether you meet a stranger in a bar while on business or whether you do so through a swinging agency or club. You are still taking a chance. Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 07-10-10 07:34pm - 5278 days | #6 | |
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BabyGetReal (0)
Active User Posts: 39 Registered: Jul 26, '09 Location: Western Massachusetts USA |
Just the other day I ran across a book "Sex At Dawn" that is a scientific analysis of the origins of human sex. At http://sexatdawn.com in the FAQ is stated "we argue that a more flexible approach to sexual fidelity can increase marital stability and thus lead to greater social and family stability." Also, decreasing testosterone levels in men with age "are associated with depression, heart attacks, dementia, and overall mortality rates from 88 to 250 percent higher. One of the few things that can reliably and immediately revive a man�s sagging testosterone is exposure to a new woman. One researcher found that even a brief chat with an attractive woman raised men�s testosterone levels by fourteen percent within minutes." Also "The tendency to confuse love with sex (and vice-versa) leads to immense suffering." Wow, what a breath of fresh air! The two co-authors are a man and a woman, who happen to be a couple, but come from very disparate backgrounds and bring wide and deep fact-based knowledges of human sexuality. Also, if you search for books on "Polyamory" you'll find that there is a whole subculture offering advice on how to manage an "open" relationship. I just discovered that while I was ordering Sex At Dawn. I ordered a couple of those books too. I wonder if there are any statistics on how long open vs. monogamous relationships last. Of course in an open relationship, there is always the chance that your partner will leave you for someone else -- but isn't that same risk present in a monogamous relationship too? I think it would be very healthy if we all (both sexes) worked on replacing jealousy with happiness that our partner(s) are having rewarding sexual experiences with others. Seems to me that such an attitude would enrich everyones lives and reduce unhappiness and violence. Sure, I feel strongly that a stable, loving relationship is important for raising children, but couldn't a relationship be stable and loving but polyamorous? In closing, I'm sure that porn raises testosterone levels also, and therefore (in moderation) is health-promoting. Edited on Jul 10, 2010, 07:37pm | |
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| 07-10-10 07:47pm - 5278 days | #7 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
I'm not sure what a "more flexible approach to fedility" means but my guess would be that it does not refer to a one on one realtionship. The biggest problem with someone sprouting the benefit of an open relationshp is that it often means the guy wants that because he can sleep with other women. I wonder how many men consider the fact that their wife or girlfriend wants and enjoys sleeping with other men. Isn't it strange that polygamist are always one man and many women. Are there any cases of one woman and many men? Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 07-10-10 10:33pm - 5278 days | #8 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
Great point! I guess in a patriarchal world the answer is a stern "No. In fact, don't even think about it."  I guess the same reason a one night stand male is considered the king of the apes but a woman doing the same thing is a whoring slut. Whatever happened to just having fun while you still can? Hey, come to think of it there are not too many, if any, female dictators in the world (they usually seem to have multiple wives and mistresses). But women have sexual thoughts and urges just like men, as a few recent female political candidates have seemed to proven. Polyamory, swinging, whatever you want to call it, is possible in either sex. "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 07-10-10 10:49pm - 5278 days | #9 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
My guess (I'm not married nor am I a big believer in marriage, or even an expert!) would be swinging, at least responsible and consensual swinging, would allow for some experimentation and learning before simply filing for divorce at the first urge for activity outside the relationship. I think a big problem is we in America are obsessed with defining what marriage is down to a very narrow, established set of rules that are permanently written in stone for the rest of humanity's time on the planet. In other words, not very realistic in an ever changing culture and society. It was only a little more than forty years ago that the Supreme Court struck down interracial marriage bans, and now much of the population thinks little of such a thing. Granted 'open' marriage will probably not be widely accepted, or at least so publicly practiced anytime soon, but times are changing. Of course marriage used to be closer to a property agreement for the man (wife as his property) and it seems nearly every American politician since probably Thomas Jefferson has been an active practitioner of sex outside marriage, so it's nothing new.  What about whatever doesn't kill the relationship can only make it stronger?  "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 07-11-10 12:26am - 5278 days | #10 | |
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james4096 (0)
Suspended Posts: 132 Registered: Mar 02, '09 |
I know and know of several couples who engage in swinging. I have to admit, their relationships seem just as stable and the incidences of cheating are no greater than couples who are totally monogamous. But it's not for everybody, and probably not for the majority of people today. Call me old fashions (because I am), but I could never be okay with my wife fucking someone else. I tend to agree with Cap'n about it being a problem over a long time. When you're in an exclusive relationship with someone, people make boundaries when associating with members of the opposite sex. We all know that two people can easily develop feeling for each other even if they are both in happy relationships. Swingers are asking for trouble. | |
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| 07-11-10 02:56pm - 5278 days | #11 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Although I'm intrigued with the idea of "swinging," I'm not defending nor endorsing it. From the three women to whom I was married and the many others I shared a serious relationship, maybe only two or three I'd entertained the thought of swinging with at all. I basically feel the same way about the women I've loved being faithful as most of those who've posted here. But men, lets be honest...there's an unwelcome element inbred in most, if not all of us, that craves variety in numbers having to do with our conquests of women. whether we succumb matters not, it's still there and women know this. And women know generally men are very resourcful and cunning when it comes to cheating. And while women are inherently monogamous, some think if their spouse is gonna do it so can they...and some do. Hence the birth of swinging. Might I amplify what one has said:..."it's not for everybody." In fact, not for most. | |
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| 07-11-10 10:39pm - 5277 days | #12 | |
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slutty (0)
Active User Posts: 475 Registered: Mar 02, '09 Location: Pennsylvania |
I must say, I am a little bit surprised at the narrow view of human sexuality by some of the folks here at PU. Bearing in mind that a lot of people still believe that even thinking about or looking at another person constitutes cheating when you are in a committed relationship (not to mention admiring them naked). Further still many of the performers people admire in porn are involved in relationships themselves. I don't know anyone personally who swings, but I have several friends who have been involved in three-ways or four-ways while in a relationship, and for the most part they all came out of the experiences pretty much the same as they went in. They say it was mainly a positive experience because they understand the difference between physical pleasure and emotional attachment. While I doubt I would ever get involved in organized swinging, I don't think it is necessarily a sign of a bad relationship. Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited. | |
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| 07-12-10 07:48pm - 5276 days | #13 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
I don't think that looking at other women or men in anyway constitue cheating but having sex with that person does. I'd say that a 3 way or 4 way is considered swinging. It just happens to be limited to a small group but in both cases, you've added extra person(s) in the mix. I may be naive but here is how I look at it. If your a guy and you'd like to try a 3 way where it's you, your girldfriend and another girl. As much as that might seem like a great fantasy. aren't you going to wonder if your girlfriend isn't more interested in girls than guys afterwards? Afterall she just had sex with another woman and enjoyed it(I'm guessing this one). Are wou going to wander if she'll ask for you to do the same and add another guy to the mix? If she does. Then could you do it? The problem with someone who says they understand the difference between physical pleasure and emotional attachment is that they may not have realised that these things are often linked. A big difference between the genders is that guys can have sex without the emotional connection but women usually prefer it but sooner or later if you have sex with the same partner than an emotional connection is almost bound to happen. I think that's why there is such a large divorce rate. Married man that leave their wives for another woman usually do so because they built an emotional connection to what was essentially a sexual partner. Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 07-12-10 10:21pm - 5276 days | #14 | |
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slutty (0)
Active User Posts: 475 Registered: Mar 02, '09 Location: Pennsylvania |
Sure, they may be often linked, all I was saying is that physical pleasure and emotional attachment aren't always linked. You'd be surprised how often this isn't the case. I think people can certainly be involved in physical behavior without emotional attachment. I'm sure many of us have had fuck-buddies in the past, as I have, and while there was a friendship attachment, there certainly wasn't love. I think those that wish to embark on these types of activities need to be in a secure relationship, and most certainly if it is going to make the other person insecure, it is probably an avenue best not explored. There are lots of people out there that can have sex without emotional attachment including porn performers, sex workers, and many ordinary folks of both sexes. And I think most people have the ability to detach somewhat - otherwise no one would masterbate to fantasies or porn. If my significant other ever didn't want to have sex anymore, I would hope we were in an honest enough relationship that I could go find the physical stuff elsewhere. Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited. | |
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| 07-13-10 06:36pm - 5275 days | #15 | |
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williamj (0)
Active User Posts: 102 Registered: Sep 29, '07 Location: usa |
It worked for me for 13 years. I figure its just a time period for me I think everyone changes. Will | |
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