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| Porn Users Forum » The Darwin Awards 2009 |
| 1-7 of 7 Posts | Page 1 |
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| 02-13-10 04:50am - 5426 days | Original Post - #1 | |
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Capn (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,740 Registered: Sep 05, '09 Location: Near the Beer! |
The Darwin Awards 2009 Well I did a search and I didn't see it posted before so... The Darwin Awards 2009 Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the honorable mentions: 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?] 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER] 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. "You can't teach..."Stupid" ! Admiral of the PU Hindenburg. 2009 PU Award Hilarious Post of the Year 2010 PU Award ( I would have preferred it to be Helpful Post of the Year for Guys who Hate 'Retail Therapy' ) :0/ Sanity is in the eye of the Beholder! | |
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| 02-13-10 09:11am - 5426 days | #2 | |
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lk2fireone (0)
Active User  Posts: 3,618 Registered: Nov 14, '08 Location: CA |
On the other side of the Darwin Awards: Larry Causey held up the U.S. Post Office in West Monroe, La. He went out to the parking lot and waited for the cops. Larry had heard that federal regulations mandate free medical care for inmates -- treatment he couldn't afford on his own. As soon as they booked him he popped the news that he has cancer. A quick and free colonoscopy later, they started him right out on three drug treatments and set up his inmate care plan. Larry was tickled enough to plead guilty off the bat. After all, his medical treatment is "on the house". | |
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| 02-13-10 09:20am - 5426 days | #3 | |
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Drooler (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 1,831 Registered: Mar 11, '07 Location: USA |
Yes, it seems that in the US only the criminals get free government health care, and that includes the ones in Congress. I wanted something new, so I left England for New England. | |
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| 02-13-10 09:51am - 5426 days | #4 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User  Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
This is the Country where they swab alcohol on the inmate's arm before inserting the needle for his lethal injection. Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 02-14-10 06:48am - 5425 days | #5 | |
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lk2fireone (0)
Active User Posts: 3,618 Registered: Nov 14, '08 Location: CA |
Otherwise, if the guy's arm got infected, they don't want him coming back after them with a lawsuit. | |
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| 02-14-10 08:35am - 5425 days | #6 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
Too true. Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 02-14-10 04:37pm - 5425 days | #7 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
The only reason I can think why they would do this is out of force of habit. If a medic or doctor hooks up the IVs they very likely have years of hygienic routines set in so no reason to break them just because they're killing the 'patient.' Also--and I'm not sure about this one--they may check for last minute clemency after they hook up the poison, thus if clemency was granted they would probably not want him getting too sick. In a country that still willingly kills its own citizens the idea that health care is a right is probably still too far fetched for many of its leaders. "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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