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| 04-01-14 08:39am - 3918 days | #51 | |
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Cybertoad (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 2,158 Registered: Jan 01, '08 Location: Wash |
 Since 2007 | |
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| 04-21-14 11:32am - 3898 days | #52 | |
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Cybertoad (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,158 Registered: Jan 01, '08 Location: Wash |
 Since 2007 | |
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| 04-21-14 11:32am - 3898 days | #53 | |
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Cybertoad (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,158 Registered: Jan 01, '08 Location: Wash |
 Since 2007 | |
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| 05-25-14 06:14pm - 3864 days | #54 | |
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Drooler (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 1,831 Registered: Mar 11, '07 Location: USA |
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly." I wanted something new, so I left England for New England. | |
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| 10-01-14 04:30pm - 3735 days | #55 | |
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LPee23 (0)
Active User  Posts: 399 Registered: Jul 14, '13 Location: USA |
Working 80-120 hours/week has kept me too busy to post much lately, or to surf for porn unfortunately. Anyway, of all the bad porn related posts on EBW, I thought some of these were actually funny: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/84299055/ Better to be pissed on, than to be pissed off. | |
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| 10-09-14 08:58am - 3727 days | #56 | |
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Cybertoad (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,158 Registered: Jan 01, '08 Location: Wash |
 Since 2007 | |
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| 10-09-14 09:01am - 3727 days | #57 | |
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Cybertoad (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,158 Registered: Jan 01, '08 Location: Wash |
 Since 2007 | |
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| 10-11-14 11:07am - 3725 days | #58 | |
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Drooler (0)
Disabled User Posts: 1,831 Registered: Mar 11, '07 Location: USA |
The wealthy lady summoned her butler, Charles, into her bed chambers. She first said, "Charles, take off my dress." And then she said, "Charles, remove my bra." And then: "Now, Charles, pull off my panties." More quickly: "Take off my stockings, Charles." And finally ... "Now, Charles, don't let me catch you wearing my clothes again!" I wanted something new, so I left England for New England. | |
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| 10-11-14 11:30am - 3725 days | #59 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended  Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
I do so love this thread. It often brings me a smile and a chuckle. Thanks all ! Former PornUsers Senior Administrator Now at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 10-20-14 09:59am - 3716 days | #60 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
How true is this? Former PornUsers Senior AdministratorNow at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 10-20-14 10:31am - 3716 days | #61 | |
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Cybertoad (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,158 Registered: Jan 01, '08 Location: Wash |
hahahahahaha  Since 2007 | |
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| 11-04-14 10:43pm - 3701 days | #62 | |
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edtechbw (0)
Suspended Posts: 1 Registered: Nov 04, '14 Location: Stillwater, OK |
My Asian girlfriend said that a tiny penis was no problem. But I still wish she didn't have one. After all is said and done, there's usually more said than done. | |
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| 11-04-14 10:51pm - 3700 days | #63 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
Welcome to PornUsers edtechbw.  Former PornUsers Senior AdministratorNow at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 11-05-14 02:28pm - 3700 days | #64 | |
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Cybertoad (0)
Disabled User Posts: 2,158 Registered: Jan 01, '08 Location: Wash |
Hi there funny one and welcome ! Since 2007 | |
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| 11-05-14 02:36pm - 3700 days | #65 | |
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LPee23 (0)
Active User Posts: 399 Registered: Jul 14, '13 Location: USA |
Mrs. LPee shared a pickup line with me the other night that made me laugh: "Hey baby, my dick just died  , can I bury it in your ass!"  Obviously, great minds think alike. Better to be pissed on, than to be pissed off. | |
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| 11-07-14 11:04am - 3698 days | #66 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
LPee23, with a sense of humor like that I can see why you married her.  "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 11-24-14 09:48am - 3681 days | #67 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
Starts earlier every year. Former PornUsers Senior AdministratorNow at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 11-24-14 05:55pm - 3681 days | #68 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User  Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
^My local Walmart had Christmas decorations out about a week before Halloween. Mind you since our Thanskgiving is very different than yours than we don't actually need any kind of Thanksgiving decorations(does that even exists?). Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 11-24-14 06:51pm - 3681 days | #69 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
Pat, same here as far as Christmas decorations before Halloween. Like you say, there's not too much the stores can promote as far as Thanksgiving decorations. So, guess they're anxious to jump right to their big money-maker. Former PornUsers Senior Administrator Now at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 11-25-14 01:57pm - 3680 days | #70 | |
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biker (0)
Active User  Posts: 632 Registered: May 03, '08 Location: milwaukee, wi |
The same in Milwaukee. Halloween candy was replaced by candy canes without a single moment between them. Warning Will Robinson | |
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| 11-26-14 03:01am - 3679 days | #71 | |
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AWpress (0)
Active Webmaster  Posts: 118 Registered: Nov 20, '12 Location: The Netherlands |
We don't do Thanksgiving where I'm from, or where I'm living (Australia and The Netherlands respectively), but I wish we did. It's a great idea; who doesn't want another food-based holiday? Of course, the whole pilgrims and Native Americans narrative isn't widely applicable, but I suppose we could rebrand it as the 'harvest festival'. But that raises another issue - proper harvest festivals (which the US Thanksgiving was originally inspired by) are supposed to coincide with the autumn harvest, which happens around the end of September in the Northern hemisphere, but around the end of May in the southern hemisphere. This presents a dichotomy - is it more important that thanksgiving be autumnal and related to the harvest, or that it happens late in the year, not too long before Christmas? Either way is a legitimate option, but generally in Australia we keep the dates of northern European seasonal celebrations, and rebrand them with the drastically different seasonal feel (e.g. for Australians, Christmas is about BBQs in the park, sunny days at the beach, swimming in the pool, and seafood). I lean towards making it a harvest festival, and putting it at the end of Autumn (because I think the opportunity to have relevant, local, seasonal, fresh food is more important than the date). Fun thing to think about! I'm going to try and track down some American expats and see if we can give Thanksgiving a spin. Have fun, pornusers! | |
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| 11-26-14 06:42pm - 3679 days | #72 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
^In Canada it's celebration where we pause and Thank God for all the things we have. That and eat large quantities of turkey. Why shouldn't Australia or any other Country not have a day of Thanksgiving? After all everyone should you have a holiday where they can pause an reflect on all the things they have and be thankful. I would recommend you avoid the American Black Friday part of the holiday. I don't think there is anything positive that can be said for what happens on that day other than you can get some great deals on Christmas gift. Mind you your life might be in danger trying to get that great deal. Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 09-03-15 05:18pm - 3398 days | #73 | |
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Micha (0)
Active User Posts: 321 Registered: Jul 04, '10 Location: san jose ca |
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump." "We're also going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really! What'd he say?" He said: "Who fucked up your hair!?" unless life also gives you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck. | |
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| 09-12-15 06:55am - 3389 days | #74 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
Economic Models Explained With Cows NADEER HAMEED SOCIALISM; You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor. COMMUNISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The government takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. Your neighbor has none. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay for the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. AMERICAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. FRENCH CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. GERMAN CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves. JAPANESE CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow, and produce the milk of 20 cows. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called cowkimon and market them worldwide. ITALIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch. SWISS CAPITALISM; You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. CHINESE CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. RUSSIAN CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You count them and learn that you have 5 cows. You count them again and learn that you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn that you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of Vodka. INDIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You worship them. BRITISH CAPITALISM; You have two cows. Both are mad. IRAQI CAPITALISM; Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy. AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM; You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. GREEK CAPITALISM; You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. You eat both of them. The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. The IMF loans you two cows. You eat both of them. The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk. You are out getting a haircut. Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 09-20-15 08:26am - 3381 days | #75 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
What's worse than a colonoscopy! https://www.youtube.com/embed/gSw4CLV14sQ?rel=0 Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 09-20-15 08:43am - 3381 days | #76 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your ? ? treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000." Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me??" Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Dr. Young: Aaagh!! -- "This is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500." Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500." Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, " Here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill)? Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500." Moral of the story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"! Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 09-20-15 09:07am - 3381 days | #77 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be the highest level of language development. Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest: *1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."* *2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"* *3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.* *4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."* *5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.* *6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."* *7. A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."* *8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" the friars to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.* *9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.* *10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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