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| Porn Users Forum » THE 2010 PU FORUM AWARDS !!! |
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| 12-16-10 08:13pm - 5120 days | Original Post - #1 | |
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Wittyguy (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,138 Registered: Feb 04, '08 Location: Left Coast, USA |
THE 2010 PU FORUM AWARDS !!! Mmmmm. Nothing says Christmas like the aroma of my gym socks hung over an empty bottle of lube with care and a big heaping plate of this festival of feces more commonly known as the PU Forum Awards! The whole thing reminds me of my childhood and the abusive foster family I never had ... but that's another story ... one that will probably be told in some bestiality porn parody coming soon to a website near you. After having dished, dissed and pissed on everyone and everything the last two years, some of you may have noticed that I haven't been my usual postaholic self this last year. Instead I've been trying to atone for my sins by contributing to mankind's knowledge base; pondering deep and important issues like; If Snooki passes out drunk, is that called a "hoe down"; If a quiz is quizzical, then what is a test?; How do blind people know when they're done wiping?; If "pro" is the opposite of "con", is "progress" the opposite of "congress"; If silence is golden how come duct tape is silver and gag balls are red?; and, What if there were no hypothetical questions? When faced with such daunting challenges, people employ different coping mechanisms - I prefer heavy masturbation and my aura of awesomeness ... or is that "odor", I forget. Unfortunately for humanity, and the benefit of countless unopened cans of Four Loko, I was left befuddled and bedazzled (God, I love my neon sequined crotchless PU jumpsuit) by these issues and was forced to return here ? cause when life gives you nothing but douchebags you either make "Jersey Shore" or the Forum Awards. I know, I know. I can already hear your chants of "Let's skip the fairy tale (err, "tail") and go right to the happy ending". Thus, it's time for me reject your awesomeness and substitute my own with this annual franchise of doom known as the Forum Awards. So strap on your kevlar underwear, turn on some soothing gonzo gangbang music, turn on the gas in your stove and open the door and relax with another sorry edition of of the Forum Awards ... [Disclaimer: If you can't handle having won an award, lost an award, failed to receive your prize or feel that you have been inaccurately portrayed in this thread please direct all complaints to: wittyguysucks/google.beefdepartment@theinternet.com. All awards are humorous in nature and unaffiliated with the PU/TBP staff. Votes were tabulated and verified by drunken lemurs. If you're clueless as to what the hell is going on, check out the 2008 and 2009 awards and buy your disgrace insurance now.] As is customary, we open the awards with our "POSTER CHILD OF THE YEAR" Award. Like last year, we have double winners in the guise of Messmer and Pat362! Armed with conflicting attitudes of "Posts? Bitches love posts!" and "Prose before ho's" this Canadian tag team duo managed to crank out over 1200 forum posts between them this year. Unfortunately for us, they forgot that posts are sort of like farts (you can only tolerate your own) and greatly confused the concept of "I can" with "I.Q." Like Master Yoda said, "Always two there are, no more, no less. A master and an apprentice." I'll let you two fight it out for domination ... master / apprentice ... top / bottom ... (do I sense a 'dance off' in the near future?). For his prize, Messmer receives a mirror to mount next his computer (so he can high five himself after every post) and a lifetime membership to Awesomenessreminders.com in case he ever loses his mojo. Pat362 receives a General George Patton wall clock that chimes out "Pat, you magnificent bastard, I read your post!" on the hour and his avatar prominently featured in the upcoming unofficial shoot of the "I'm Awesome" video. Our next award is AVATARD, err, I mean "AVATAR OF THE YEAR" AWARD. Frankly I was a little worried since there very few new avatar faces this year but, borrowing a page from reality t.v., Advent is our winner! As webmistress for the ATK franchise, she graced us with an actual photo of herself without apparent fear that her image would fuel many a forum pervs fantasy. Sporting shades and a tight t-shirt with a giant blue sperm on it, how could she not win? Of course, being bestowed with such an honor should result in a little quid pro quo ? Advent ? just email me a bunch of free ATK passes, OK? Her prize is a t-shirt that reads "Save the Trees - Eat more Beaver" and a free membership to Chatroulette where she see and visit with all the admirers she has here at PU. Honorable mentions go out to WeeWillyWinky for his granny pants over the head look (I don't think that's what people mean when they talk about ?bringing sexy back?) and DavidX for posting a purported real mug shot pedo-bear look alike photo of himself. The only thing keeping DavidX from winning this year was the fact that his picture wasn't taken in a front of a van with the words "Free Candy" spray painted on the side or that his signature line didn't read "What's better than a 22 year old porn star? Twenty two year old porn stars!". No offense meant DavidX, sarcasm and sadistic humor are just some of the services provided by the forum awards. Next up, we have the "TALKING 'BOUT MY DEGENERATION AWARD" going to everyone who contributed to the "Can Someone Clue Me In" thread. We do have a tendency to stray from the original thread topic but Messmer's initial question (a brief "no" reply post would have sufficed) about file compression standards ended up as a free for all bestiality fest (God, why does it always have to be bestiality? Why?!?) involving midgets, horses and anal sex. Unfortunately, like a black light shown on a computer desk, what has once been seen can no longer be unseen as that thread any and all intellectual currency it might have once contained. For prizes, everyone who contributed to this train wreck gets a "Meat is Murder. Tasty, Tasty Murder." sweatshirt and a can of whoop-ass to open up on the next poster who heads down bestiality avenue. Honorable mentions go to the "Do these girls know the consequences" thread which ended with a debate about who has the classiest shoppers: Walmart or Target (simple solution, just count the number of teeth the average shopper has); those who chimed in the "If you had a chance with your favorite model" thread which ended up with some discussing how they'd like to bone Ariel from "The Little Mermaid" (God, why does it always have to be bestiality? Why?!?); and, contributors to the "Surprise, New Forum Features" thread which went talk of the new emoticons to people posting pictures of boobies (the kind that affirm PU's unofficial motto "PU: Where every month is breast awareness month" and the avian kind which made me question if a bird in the hand is really worth two in the bush). Up next, is "THREAD TITLE OF THE YEAR AWARD" which goes to Lk2fireone for his thread "When was the last time your balls felt clean?"! Illuminating the world to this cruel and embarrassing condition puts him on the short list for next years Nobel Prize and inspired many a reply post that ... well, you can probably guess where that lead to. I'm sure Lk2fireone's pointed inquiry will drift over into mainstream media like the Old Spice guy doing a body wash commercial - "Ladies, look at my balls. Now look at your man's balls. Now back to mine. See my balls on horse." (God, why does it always have to be bestiality? Why?!?). His prize is a bottle of Viagra and a ticket to a private TSA pat down room in order to verify his own condition. Honorable mentions go to Denner for "Porn in Afghanistan" (a serious thread despite the title); Drooler for "Dangling Corners" (maybe Drooler is the one who needs the Viagra?); RagingBuddhist for his self descriptive "My Rage" thread; Messmer for "Can someone clue me in" (ahh, no) and Graymane for the "Inquisitive minds want to know: beastiality?" thread, which I take to mean he wants to recode the Farmville game for more "action" (God, why does it always have to be bestiality? Why?!?). We have a new category this year; the "GREAT GRANDPA GA-GA AWARD" which goes to Graymane! This self professed 77 year old geezer who mainlines prune juice has been trying to relive his sexual past through the PU glory hole by donning his meat suit and relentlessly posting polls and threads asking PUer's to discuss sex acts and sexual preferences. I get it. Porn mimics life ... but jabbering about sex gone by doesn't make him The Most Interesting Man in the World (I'm just waiting for him to claim that he once visited the Virgin Islands and now they're just called "The Islands"). Today, Graymane is celibate by choice (not his choice, rather the choice of billions of women around the world) and he needs your support to keep him living cause apparently the little blue pills are losing their effect on him. Seriously, I'm glad to see the AARP crowd represented here at PU; affirming that Old School means that you still have the internet ? you just have it on vinyl. Edited on Dec 16, 2010, 10:32pm Edited by Staff on Dec 16, 2010, 09:27pm | |
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| 12-16-10 08:13pm - 5120 days | #2 | |
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Wittyguy (0)
Active User Posts: 1,138 Registered: Feb 04, '08 Location: Left Coast, USA |
For kicking it old school while not even being able to remember school, Graymane's prize package includes a Ron Jeremy doll (his favorite pornstar) ; a dashboard GPS version 1.0 (a globe); and a package of “Hot Shot Condoms” to remind him of his youth. As an aside, Messmer gets an honorable mention for coming out and disclosing that he's really older than his PU profile reveals … like that's going to get him more hos and free porn site memberships. We now take a brief intermission from the awards to hear from our sponsors. “Sponsors” you ask? Hell yeah! Most of the commentary in these awards gives me the life expectancy of someone going hunting with Dick Cheney. As such, the legal department here at the Forum Awards has grown significantly bigger than my ego. Since these ass reamers don't work for cheap, sit back and suck up the spam folks. First, we have the “Caring Cats of America Service Animals” who's motto is service with a smile:  Next, TheBestPorn has been hurting in these tough times and has expanded business with a childrens clothing line. Pick up a few of these for the little ones on your x-mas list:  Then there's SuperLax; the people who made 2 Girls / 1 Cup possible:  Interested in making a sex tape? Only spring for the best in analog equipment:  Want to look your best when stepping up to collect your Forum Award for next year? Go where the Forum Awards goes, you'll love the look:  The Federal Witness Protection Program is celebrating it's 10,000th placement this year. Way to go guys:  Semi-Pro condoms. When just OK is good enough:  Finally, we have the Brett Favre public service announcement on picking up women for the unenlightened:  Now back to the action. Moving right along, we have the “GREAT MINDS OF THE FORUM” AWARD for contributions of magnificent proportion to the universe of porn. The winner, and our first double winner of the year, is Pat362 for coining the term “Midcore Porn” (the level of porn involving toy and lesbian play)! This revelation brought tears to Capn's eyes (no, not his brown one), inspiring multiple damn threads on the subject. Christ, given the amount of praise Pat got and amount of conversation this term started you'd think he discovered the long lost island of perfect women: all orally obsessed and 3 feet high with no teeth and flat heads (for resting your beer on). Pat's prize is a t-shirt that says “If masturbation were a crime, I'd be on death row!” and his avatar ceremoniously installed as a permanent background on the computers of all living Nobel laureates in hopes that it will inspire them to come up with something as original and useful to mankind. Honorable mentions go out to Wittyguy in the “Regional Pricing Part 2” thread for his idea of knocking points off of PU review scores for sites that use regional pricing. Turboshaft also gets props for his term “douchebag porn” meant to describe videos that feature annoying dudes more than the chicks we're there to see. Rick from TBP also gets a nod for proposing that everyone who helps them select “hot sites” gets a blow job from the TBP mascot girl (if we ain't getting satisfaction from some cartoon princess you know where were looking next … Rick?!?). Moving on we now have another double award winner with the “HYPOCRIT OF THE YEAR AWARD” going to Messmer! With his 600+ posts this year, 99% were nothing but incessant bitching and moaning about how there aren't any sites with natural looking middle age hags prancing around in their knickers, showing off their cellulite filled derrieres. Then one day we get this thread entitled “I hope this doesn't come off as too much of a shock” where he suddenly pronounces his love of the Reality Kings site!!! Shock? Bitch, please! All the jihadists in the world suddenly dropping their guns and renouncing violence would be shocking. This is more like instantaneously voiding the laws of physics and vaporizing the universe! Going from saggy and frumpy to rock hard DD boobs and teen sluts is sort of like a middle aged sheik with 30 wives suddenly coming out and declaring that he's gay. Drooler summed it up best when noted that it sounded like Messmer was coming out of the closet and walking right into another one. Messmer, you're from Canada you should know better: when your mind senses that evil is afoot, switch to the metric system. Messmer's swag from this award includes a coupon for a free lobotomy and Reverse Viagra that will only inspire him only while looking at Depends advertisements. Sometimes when we're drunk we say things with our “out loud voice” that the rest of the world really doesn't need to hear. For that, we have the “TAXI CAB CONFESSIONALS AWARD”. The winner (err, loser?) is ByteMaster for revealing his train masturbation sessions in the “caught masturbating” thread and disclosing his butt pumping fantasies in “I think porn may have turned me bisexual” thread. Hell, even ByteMaster later admitted in a post that he may have revealed to much … isn't that sort of like Bin Laden apologizing today for not having been a very nice person? Actually I was happy to see that everyone was supportive of ByteMaster's dilemmas and some used the opportunity to disclose that you can't pick sexual orientation viruses from toilets in case he was worried. For his prize, ByteMaster gets his own MTV reality series (“Jerkin' with Planes, Trains and Bisexuals” … airing right after Jackass) and some serious sit down time with our resident head shrinker Exotics4me. Honorable mentions go out to Wittyguy for his “A Partial Defense of DRM” for defending the undefendable; Markfx for his thread “Sex chat rooms are problematic” for a long winded WTF discourse about how he spends too much time and money stalking chatroom hotties; and, WeeWillyWinky for his thread “Losing the urge” where he talks about his decreasing sex drive. Not wanting to be topped by anyone else, WeeWilly then goes on in the “National blow job day” thread to reveal that he hasn't had a decent hummer since 1995 (for the love of God, someone please give him a pity hummer). Next up comes the “JUMP START ME JESUS AWARD” going to Cybertoad! Confusing himself with David Koresh he mistakenly believed he was the second coming and tried to resurrect a number of old PU threads earlier this year ... and only succeeded in going down in flames. Not being a student of history, Cybertoad was doomed in repeating the failed history that is the Forum when his revivals turned out to be reminiscent of a bad zombie movie than an inspirational tug from above (although we all occasionally like that kind of thing). Note to Cybertoad: if Jesus were alive today his only followers would be on Twitter, not the PU forum. Since it is the Christmas season, Cybertoad's gift is a Baby Jesus Butt Plug which will hopefully prevent this kind of shit from leaking out in the future and used copy of the movie “Back to the Future” to remind himself that messin' with history is sort of like the Messin' with Sasquatch commercials (jerky is a meat product, not something you do). Edited on Dec 16, 2010, 08:21pm | |
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| 12-16-10 08:13pm - 5120 days | #3 | |
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Wittyguy (0)
Active User Posts: 1,138 Registered: Feb 04, '08 Location: Left Coast, USA |
One of the nice things about the PU forum is that there really aren't that many rules, sort of like and Italian airport. However, we don't like spammers and people who fuck with everyone just because it's a day of the week ending in the letter “y”. For that we have the “VITALY BORKER AWARD” going to Miss Hybrid! After readhing her initial thread, the Forum Awards listened to it's inner Admiral Ackbar and avoided that trap. However, the rest of you knob-jobs (thinking with your little head instead of your big head) and jump right in because she's a porn chick. Big. Fucking. Mistake. The self professed porn star / chicken farmer / trap shooter / photographer / microbiologist / pharmacist / mechanical engineer / porn collector / BMW driving blogger (I ain't making this shit up) cranked up more than a few members with her insult jokes, ignorance of etiquette and blatant self promotion. When that wasn't enough, her minions three from Mordor swooped in and tried to burn the place down but only succeeding in leaving the forum looking like the floral print on a sheet of toilet paper … it just gets covered with shit in the end. All of you repeat after me: “Arguing with someone like that is like running a race in the special olympics … you might win but you're still a tard.” For her prize, Ms Hybrid gets a Christopher Walken doll … cause, like her, it's damn creepy and can only be muted with more cowbell. A dishonorable mention goes to the webmaster who shut off Denner's account after Denner left a comment about the site on PU, documented in the “NB: Blocked access because of critical PU comment” thread. Another new award this year is the “GRAMMAR NAZI AWARD” going to Drooler and Turboshaft! Flashing back to their time spent in juvenile delinquency schools, they played nuns with canes and came after Wittyguy in the “Best Porn Awards Ever” thread, criticizing his one misuse of an apostrophe and one misspelled word. Thank god these guys aren't cops otherwise we'd have situations like “Sorry to inform you ma'am but your son committed suicide … and that moron you dropped from your uterus used a comma instead of semicolon in his note.” For their efforts they each get a personalized action figure (that way they can play with themselves and leave the rest of us alone) and a t-shirt that reads: “Baby I put the Stud into STD; all I need is U.” An honorable mention goes to all who chipped in with the “OT The Degeneration of the English Language” thread by bashing everyone who isn't older than dirt. Last year I renamed the hilarious post of the year the “Fuck You, I Rule Award” since I got all the nominations and the award. Having since been sued by US and European regulators for running a monopoly and ponzi scheme with this award, it's been changed back the “HILARIOUS POST OF THE YEAR AWARD” with our winner being Capn for enlightening us all about how to avoid shopping with your gal in “How to get out of doing the weekly shop”. We all know that daily annoyances like shopping for food takes away important time we could otherwise use spanking the monkey. Helpful hints like dripping tomato juice in the tampon aisle, asking the store employees what veggies they or their girlfriends like to use, threatening suicide, testing the salad bar sneeze guards … yes, we all have something to learn from this thread ... I'm just not sure what that might be. For everyone who contributed, the list gets featured in the next “Martha Stewart Living” magazine and they get a giant inflatable penis they can put in their pants the next time they're forced into the real world. Honorable mentions go to Wittguy for his annual addition to the “Mindset 2013” thread (proving that if ignorance is bliss then today's college students are living a 24/7 orgasm). Messmer for his “Questions without answers” thread (another deep thought I must ponder). Wittyguy for the over the top rant about plastic surgery in the “My Dream Girl” thread. Drooler in the “Stupid Porn” thread for his explanation of film plot elements and their porn equivalents. Wittyguy for his rules about pets in porn flicks in “No Pets Allowed”. Capn and others for the “I wish I had said that” thread (that's right, go ahead and make my day). I don't know why we haven't had an award for the best forum rant cause there's enough of them here to drown out all the gripes coming from the National Hemorrhoids Convention. It seems appropriate to bring it on now in the form of the “RAGING RODENT AWARD” which goes to Thesquirrel! This is more of lifetime achievement award since if you want a solid dose of rants covering conspiracy theories, gonzo porn, government coverups and corporate malfeasance then Thesquirrels your man cause when he's rollin', they hatin'. Most of us prefer to be like Jesus (speak softly and dress like a Jedi knight) but TheSquirrel prefers the full on frontal bitch slap. He'll give it to 'The Man' even if it means taking a fist probe from airport security. While some may drink from the fountain of knowledge, Thesquirrel prefers to gargle – leaving us with the sloppy drool that Billy Mays (RIP) couldn't even clean up. His signature line should be changed to read “Miss your friends and family? Aim better next time!” The forum just wouldn't be the same without him … and neither would the insane asylum he calls home. His prize is a t-shirt that says “Kevlar for the Gene Pool” and a recurring role on The Jerry Springer Show. Finally, all good things must come to an end and we end with the traditional “MR. PATHETICALLY IRRELEVANT AWARD”. This award was named The Mr. Irrelevant Award (in reality it's the last player taken in the NFL draft) and went to the person who posted a thread that drew almost no interest or views. This year, the forum was inundated with gut wrenching unreplied threads so I had to add an extra criteria – a true “WTF” factor or sheer patheticness. After crunching all the variables, our winner is Cybertoad! Not only did he cook up one turd, he laid out a pile that a herd of cows would be proud of with his “Good Asian Solo Site” thread (with one slap down pity reply by Khan), his “Good Animation Sites” thread (apparently there are none), the “Twisted and Disturbing” thread which, again, no one could handle because nothing is as excruciatingly twisted and disturbing as reading these pathetic cries for help. For his prize, Cybertoad gets a copy of the book “How to Lose Friends and Make Enemies” and some electro-shock therapy because his only friend is his ego … too bad even that's imaginary. Honorable mentions go out to Drooler for this thread “Plain Backgrounds” where he tried to awe us with his analysis about white space in porn shoots. Yeah, like we care. This one turned turned into a black hole. Regberkley for drinking way too much egg nog last Christmas eve and posting ““Global Crossing – Heads Up” about some technical problem with international web connections that nobody could even comprehend and go no replies (Was Santa that nasty to you?). Denner also get recognized here for his “Gettin' Rid of Spam” thread that got nada (Maybe we like our spam? Weren't you fed any as a child? Perhaps being from the land of Danish butter cookies and lutefisk you think your happy meal options are better than ours?). Lastly, Danielins gets a nod for his “unusual question” thread about yet another fucking song in a porno vid that got on pity post reply. I'm sorry but anyone who has an ipod full of porn songs has an IQ about room temperature and dreams about a starring role in A Klingon Christmas Carol. Nuff said. Take care, and remember to surf safely after hitting the post awards show parties. Remember last year and the after party fiasco we had when everyone got drunk and was singing to the “The Internet is for Porn” song? Thankfully we have the pics to remind you:  Edited on Dec 16, 2010, 08:27pm | |
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| 12-16-10 08:13pm - 5120 days | #4 | |
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Wittyguy (0)
Active User Posts: 1,138 Registered: Feb 04, '08 Location: Left Coast, USA |
As usual, we close out the annual forum awards with random quips and quotes from the last year that tickled my funny bone from the huge pile of bio-mass we like to call the PU forum. Enjoy and be sure to tune in for next years fiasco of self inflicted pain that can only continue with help from the rest of you pervs. Keep on posting. Wittyguy 12/2/09 in "TBP Cash Flow vs. Site Scores" thread: Damn, I guess my weak attempt at incindiary posting didn't quite pan out. No protest songs, no sit-ins, and no one getting maced and arrested. Apparently "The Man" doesn't work for TBP. Drooler in the "Nature/Outdoor versus bedrooms" thread: True, when you think of corroding iron bridges and cracked slate by the riverside, do the supple skin and come-hither eyes of a nubile Ukrainian Aphrodite follow quickly by free association? WeeWillyWinky later adds: [P]ics taken in what is obviously a hotel or motel room bother me. Makes me think the model is a prostitute, which, well, she sometimes is. RagingBuddhist in "Losing the Urge" thread (about getting older): the prescription for glasses gets stronger and stronger. (Maybe the cliche is true - I didn't stop it and now I'm going blind). Wittyguy later added: [I'm not] really noticing a diminishment of the "urge". At any rate, it's probably better and less distressing to go a few days without the urge as opposed to having teenage "instant boner" for the half the damn day ... "No, I really don't want to go up and write the answer on the blackboard today. Wittyguy in "Image only sites vs everything else: prices" thread (responding to prices for image only porn sites): I'm more than happy to pay for the prime rib versus the huge trough of gruel that the rest of the world feeds at. Hodyathink in "Who's the current porn 'It' girl" thread (responding to a picture link to Sasha Grey): My pants feel funny. Wittyguy in response to "Checkout What's Hot at TheBestPorn" thread (regarding new additions to TBP): Well, unless it scratches my balls and rubs my back I wouldn't exactly call it burning hot. Rick later added: What's it gonna take to have you guys assist in choosing the hot sites? Free blowjobs from the TBP mascot?  Turboshaft in "Support Problems" (responding to Raginbuddhists tech support rant): I would assume Buddhists wouldn't be able to use computers anyway, at least not anything less reliable than an abacus. You can't reach nirvana when you're smashing a keyboard or punching a monitor...or maybe you can. Wittguy later added: Thank you for contacting the Microcrap-Gatewaytohell joint service support hotline. Press 1 if you have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours (this will send out a twitter update on your account alerting all your friends to your accomplishment). Press 2 if you want to discuss the Cartesian Mind/Body philosophical distinctions in Swahili. Press 3 to speak with a customer service representative who recently qualified with English as their 4th language this week. Press 4 to speak to someone who will pretend to care about your problem while masturbating to internet porn . Press 5 to listen a customer service representative talk about their problems. Press 6 to hear the most recent classic rock band who sold out their biggest hit to be our new marketing theme. Press 7 if you wish to speak to someone who thinks they know what a computer might be. Press 8 if you think my voice is too sexy for this directory.... Drooler finished it off with: The businesses run to make SALES. MONEY!! Gouged out of your ass and mine with a carpenter's knife. Drooler in "Do these girls know the consequences" thread : Save money, live better. Walmart." If I met up with Jenna Haze in the bedding section, I'd start having much more positive thoughts about Walmart Turboshaft in "Save Login / Password Firefox" thread: I have also tried Google's Chrome, and I have to say I prefer the metal to the browser. Drooler in "Photoshopping/altering images" thread (his term of art regarding those who over photoshop pics): Master Shellacker. Ragingbuddhist later added: But I like orange skin-toned women with plastic-smooth pubic areas! Wittyguy added: it ain't "art" until you fuck with it. Wittyguy in "Do you read erotic material" thread: we're mostly guys here ... we want visual stimulation, not the Harlequinn Romance version of what happened. Drooler fired back: Yeah, the Harlequin Romance about how the tatted stud spent 20 minutes pile-driving the heroine's corn hole until he topped it off with a cream pie is something that I could live without. Drooler in "Are fisting videos now legal in the U.S.?" thread: If there are laws specifically written to outlaw fisting, they might be local ordinances or state statutes. Especially when the cell phones are set to "vibrate." Wittyguy in "No Pets Allowed!" thread (regarding animals in porn): When the dog is hollering in harmony with the starlet, that's entertainment ... at least it is over in the trailer park. Toadsith in "Midcore" thread: If we can't approach porn with scientific detachment and precision, why are we here? Nothing is more sexy than finding a nude woman's specific gravity. Wittyguy in "The 2009 PU Forum Awards" (responding to Toadsith's new Patrick McGoohan avatar): I am a bit puzzled by the new avatar as it appears to look like some creepy old pedophile priest "making love eyes" at the altar boy more than McGoohan. BadAndy400 in "Unintended Porn Reference ..." thread (regarding the Bunny Love brand of carrots): So....if you eat a carrot while having sex with your wife, are you cheating on her? Wittyguy in "I Want to Say Thanks To Everyone" thread (regarding Gcode's thread title): Man, I saw the thread title and I thought, "Crap, there goes another regular down the toilet" (you should feel good that I consider you "a regular" in that respect). Hodyathink in "Mars to Earth ..." (about beaming porn flick images to Mars and their possible reply) There's more silicone in these girls than on our planet. Wittyguy later added: If they don't stop we're going have to start putting Soylent Green back on our menu ... after the anal probes of course! Turboshaft in "Khan is buried in snow without power" thread: I hope he stays warm without having to resort to burning old porn magazines. Pat362 in "The Darwin Awards 2009" thread (about stupid Americans): This is the Country where they swab alcohol on the inmate's arm before inserting the needle for his lethal injection. Turboshaft in "Off topic - Mosque at Ground Zero" thread: Also to compare religion to a penis...well, that just insulting to penises everywhere! Of course it's already happened with the sex toy companies; just check out the Jackhammer Jesus, or probably the ultimate in anal-Christian blasphemy, the Baby Jesus Butt Plug. Pat362 in "Midcore" thread (regarding a pic of some moron sniffing a porn tape): Maybe he's a psychic sniffer? He's able to smell the girls through the paper and also through time since VHS is pretty old school porn. Capn in "Women who watch porn" thread (about Ragingbuddhist making a noncynical post): RB reholsters his Peacemaker & walks slowly away. TheSquirrel in "NB: Blocked access ..." thread (responding to Wittyguy welcoming him back): I'm nearly always sticking some part of my body into something, even if it is just foot into mouth. Turboshaft in "Can someone clue me in" thread: Just imagine: Oh, midget-horse anal--that's so last year! Malikstarks in "Brazzers and lopsided reviews" thread (regarding joining Brazzers): Brazzers is like the McDonald's of internet porn. Pat362 then added: It's fast, it's hot, it will feed your hunger and you know exactly how it will taste. Lk2fireone in "If you had a chance with your favorite model" thread: Some of the pastries I eat are called danish, so I could be called a cultural man of the world. Exotics4me later added: I hope you found my ditty here Funnier than a fart in a space suit. Drooler in "too many download options" thread: It's like going through the typical "hyperchoice" menu at an American family restaurant ... I mean there's Denny's ... and then there's Denys DeFrancesco. Cybertoad in "Pros vs. Joes" thread (about amateur porn being like a documentary): Here we are in the jungle, where the white bellied pecker upper, is about to nibble on what appear to be the soft inner thigh of the rare but often sot after White bild, horny sucker. Lets take a look at this rare mating ritual. Toadsith in "Tattoos on women" thread: The rise of tattoo popularity means that a lot of sub-par artists are getting work as tattooists when they should really be pursing a different occupation, maybe Rodeo Clown... or a Tea Bagger Liaison for Sarah Palin. Drooler in "Weird Topic But I Love It" thread (responding to Turboshafts request for cooking recipes): Hey, does anyone know how to make an anal cream pie? TheSquirrel in "How can we improve the reviews at TBP?" (responding to a quote about putting up with "TheSquirrel and his foibles"): My partner has threatened to cut off my foibles on more than one occasion. Slutty in the "Pubic Hair?" thread: However, I don't like too much hair, it reminds me of the nightmare of going down on my college girlfriend... Cybertoad later added: I like a little but not to much do not want to start a forest fire from the friction. Edited on Dec 16, 2010, 08:39pm | |
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| 12-16-10 08:14pm - 5120 days | #5 | |
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Wittyguy (0)
Active User Posts: 1,138 Registered: Feb 04, '08 Location: Left Coast, USA |
Wittyguy in "Defunct Websites" thread: I'm sure it was Shakespeare or Yoda who said "Judge me not by the size of my member, rather by the material that makes my member work. Cybertoad later added (in response to the black hole where unused porn goes): Its actually a pretty scary hole, Ive seen it with my 3d glasses. Scary thing is its shaped like a vagina. Wonder what a black hole smells like? Cybertoad in "Need Help" thread (regarding Khan's idea about PU tech support thread): if we had a tech area [we'd get questions like] 'Dear pu my vibrator makes a humming noise what should I do'". He later added: I would be careful about getting a virus when I insert it into the ... USB. Wow imagine getting a computer virus and having to explain that to the wife Wittyguy in "What it is, Air Sex" thread (on Japanese trend of clothed people performing simulated sex acts in clubs): I used to think that Karaoke was the worst form of social entertainment ever invented. Apparently I was wrong. TheSquirrel in "Fake Breasts 'againi" thread (regarding joining either Bangbros or Reality Kings): Anyone considering such a horrible use of money, should think again. I urge you, send it to me instead. I shall spend it on women drugs and alcohol. That way, not one cent will be wasted. Drooler in "Scan scams" thread (regarding scam advertising): The penis enlargement pills have seemed to have gone away, though. For now. Maybe they've saturated the market and America's horrible "penis-not-big-enough" tragedy is finally over! Graymane in "Male oriented straight porn ..." thread: A guy has as much status in a porn scene as the couch, bed or pheasant farm where the scene is filmed. Wittyguy in "My dream girl" thread: Let's face it, plastic surgeons are really nothing more than human body "This Old House" guys like Norm and Tommy with a caulk gun and vacuum hose. Denner in "national blow job day" thread (about March 14 being Steak and a Blow Job day): you guys in the US should consider making those days National Holidays. Cybertoad added: Umm some of us do Cybertoad in "Nudity?" thread: Nudity is truly in the eyes of the beholder. Lk2fireone in "Strange Fetishes" thread: This site [PU] really has a bunch of pervies here. Rearadmiral responded: Now, now... flattery won't work on me! Turboshaft in "What will happen to Max Hardcore ..." thread: Obviously there's a big difference the right to die and the right to a boner (for starters, one stops your heart the other speeds it up) Williamj in "Is there a universal type of woman ..." thread: I fuck vagina toys so don't ask me. Mistresskent in "Interesting Article" thread: Spunk is only 6 calories per load taken orally! Fuck the Atkins! Drooler in the "Tits: The more they got them the more they flaunt them." thread (regarding starlets playing too much with their tits): Well, it's because they have something in common with toy train sets. Both are intended for children, but it's the fathers who wind up playing with them. Wittyguy in "Patent You 'Mastery of the Monkey' Stroke" thread (regarding patenting hand gestures for future computers): Seeing this made me realize that at some point some porn geek is going to patent different hand positions for some futuristic "love glove" or similar device. Good forbid someone try to get exclusive domain over my "double eagle claw technique" (advanced users only), my "SpongeBob Jizz Pants" maneuver, or even my choreographed "Knock on Wood" rhythmic interpretive dance special. Turboshaft in "Strange Fetishes" thread (regarding milk enemas): I think it might be for those porn girls who are lactose intolerant but still need to get some calcium in their body. Regardless of the attraction, I don't think the National Dairy Council is going to be using it in ads anytime soon! Yadayada321 in "Solo's sucking their toys" (regarding starlets getting too into their toys): it's like seeing a guy masturbate and then licking and smelling his hand afterwards Wittyguy in "Porn Site Feedback & Discussion" (on paysites using member polls): Relying on polls to drive your site is sort of like asking your local priest who is also a scoutmaster and swim coach to tutor your child; not necessarily the best idea in the world. Pat362 in "Please help me graduate!!!" thread: The last time I was mean they took me to the back shed and started beating me with the ugly stick but they had to stop because I was already there. Cybertoad in "Porn Site Feedback & Discussion" thread: I am bored and would like to find something different but good. Capn replied: Have you thought about purchasing a top quality garden shed? Wittyguy in "Artsy Softcore Nude Sites" thread: I think a lot of these sites got their initial inspiration from Playboy and the rest which focus on airbrushed girls in seductive poses on couches made from the finest Corinthian leather, specialty Naugahyde, and rare imported pleather. Turboshaft in "The Pill Turns 50" thread: where would the entire creampie genre be without this pharmaceutical wonder? Wittyguy in "When was the last time your balls felt clean" thread (on going to hell for having dirty junk): What, you think Satan wants to mess with your dirty junk. I hear that the TSA is getting into the ball cleaning business, try them instead. Monahan replied: This discussion has me wondering. Could a pornstar find work teabagging the guys who opt out of the full body scan? After all it's to protect us from terrorists, isn't it? Pat362 in "Pat362, our newest hardcore memeber" thread: I don't need no stinking badges. Mistresskent replied: Errr... can I have a stinking badge please?? Drooler in "MILFS?" thread: MILFs! They're old! They're young! They're young and agile enough to wear a baseball cap backwards, yet old and haggard enough to join AARP! Wittyguy in "How You Can Achieve Instant Fame and Fortune" thread: I think that Sims and Warren Buffett should offer cash prizes for a bunch of unemployed middle age, heavy set gay guys to run naked through the stock exchange. Spain has the running of the bulls, we'll have the running of the bears. Rearadmiral in "Penthouse Founder Bob Guccionne Dies" thread: Bob Guccione was a big part of my formative years and I'm thankful for that. And I'm not a serial killer because of it. Turboshaft in "10 Things you should never say to a porn star" thread: And there's always the classic "Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" Justme in "I want to retire immediately ..." thread (about ugly dudes nailing pornstars enhancing viewer self esteem): I think it may be more like "Hey, that girl will fuck Quasimodo but would not even give me the time of day". BadAndy400 later added: No guy in porn should be fatter than me. Pat362 in "Has anyone around here actually met a porn star" thread: I wouldn't because frankly what am I going to say. Hi! I loved your last movie. I jerked off so hard that I thought I'd pass out. Wittguy in "Top Porn-Friendly Countries" thread: The US isn't bad unless you're trapped in some rural bible belt hell where the livestock are the victims of most porn inspired fantasies. Mistresskent in "Italian Friends on the Bus" thread: What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and Anal Sex? One will make your day. One will make your hole weak. Wittyguy in "What are some clues a member is becoming unpopular with forum regulars?" thread (regarding the thread title): When they see that I've replied to their thread, they know they've become unpopular and ostracized. Justme later added: This is a porn forum, a gathering of individuals brought together by a shared interest in jerking off. How much acceptance does one wish to have? Lk2fireone in "In Partial Defense of DRM" thread (on getting older): Once you hit the big 30 mark, you will suddenly gain added maturity, and realize that porn is not the true path. You will then start collecting stamps or coins, which you can hold in both hands for a tactile sensation. Rearadmiral in "Who's buying porn DVDs" thread (on the practice of porn shops calling themselves "boutiques"): They certainly aim to be an upscale place, but honestly, how 'upscale' can you be when you sell replicas of Ashley Blue's ass? Nothing against Ms. Blue, of course, but we're not talking Saks Fifth Avenue here... Turboshaft later added: I am not sure I want to know what the sex shop/adult boutique equivalent is of the sales lady spraying perfume in your face when you walk by her counter. Turboshaft in "Another Surgical Topic to Debate" thread: I'm sure there are more than a few here at PU who would totally take advantage of marrying a virgin. "Honey, trust me: all women normally start with anal. And for the last time; no, that camera is not on!" RagingBuddhist in "When was the last time your balls felt clean?" thread: A guy goes to his doctor for a physical. After all is said and done, he gets the news. "You're in perfect health," the doctor says, "except you've got the dirtiest balls I've ever seen." The guy says, "I think I know what the problem is. He goes home and, walking in the front door, sees his wife running up the stairs. "Helen!", he yells. "Come here - I want to talk to you!" "I don't have time for that right now!" she yells back. "I hardly have time to wipe my ass!" "That's what I want to talk to you about!" Edited on Dec 16, 2010, 08:50pm | |
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| 12-17-10 12:39am - 5119 days | #6 | |
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mistresskent (0)
Active Webmaster  Posts: 188 Registered: Feb 02, '09 Location: Kent, UK |
(In true Diva style.. mistresskent, with teary eyes, walks onto the stage to collect her golden cock...) I'd like to thank all of the people that made it possible for me to win a mention in the "random quips and comments" section of the 2010 PU awards, My mum for giving birth, My Tranny for tolerating me, My sex slave for not breaking free, My cameraman, for showing me there IS a limit to what I'll do, God, for giving me the strength to carry on.. Graymane, for being intelligent, far beyond my understanding, Spunk, for only being 6 calories, Khan, for being here. All those wankers that post "Do you know this girl" for being wankers... All PU users that have welcomed me here, And lastly wittyguy.. for even mentioning me. As in true Oscars style, I'm off to get pissed and fuck some hookers. Mistress Kent xx http://www.mistresskent.com http://www.mistresskent.co.uk | |
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| 12-17-10 02:04am - 5119 days | #7 | |
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Drooler (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 1,831 Registered: Mar 11, '07 Location: USA |
Thanks, once again, Wittyguy, for being the Supreme Mudlark of the PU Forum Flotsam. Some day, all of these Forum Awards should be compiled into an entertaining toilet reader. I wanted something new, so I left England for New England. | |
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| 12-17-10 09:08am - 5119 days | #8 | |
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Capn (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,740 Registered: Sep 05, '09 Location: Near the Beer! |
A comprehensive and rivetting read. Well up to the usual vitriolic standard. Well done to all winners & great thanks to Wittyguy for his patience, time & determination to get another year's worth of drivel reviewed! Cap'n.  P.S. I'm pleased my dodging / dodgy shopping tips proved useful.  " Cybertoad in "Porn Site Feedback & Discussion" thread: I am bored and would like to find something different but good. Capn replied: Have you thought about purchasing a top quality garden shed?" Unfortunately, my 'Garden Shed' quip killed the thread stone dead.  It probably started as a stunned silence, but then folk got bored, started shuffling their feet & wandered off whistling......Allowing it to quietly die.  Admiral of the PU Hindenburg. 2009 PU AwardHilarious Post of the Year 2010 PU Award ( I would have preferred it to be Helpful Post of the Year for Guys who Hate 'Retail Therapy' ) :0/ Sanity is in the eye of the Beholder! Edited on Dec 17, 2010, 09:25am | |
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| 12-17-10 09:56am - 5119 days | #9 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended  Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
A big congratulations to all of this years winners!! And of course, a hearty thanks to Wittyguy for another year of grins from his huge effort compiling the awards. Former PornUsers Senior Administrator Now at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 12-17-10 10:23am - 5119 days | #10 | |
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badandy400 (0)
Active User  Posts: 869 Registered: Mar 02, '08 Location: ohio |
While I have been rather inactive this year these awards still rank few high on my list of things I look forward to. "For example, badandy400 has taken it upon himself to become the one man Library of Congress for porn with a collection that surely will be in Guinness Book of World Records some day." ~Toadsith~ PU Interview | |
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| 12-17-10 01:52pm - 5119 days | #11 | |
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Wittyguy (0)
Active User Posts: 1,138 Registered: Feb 04, '08 Location: Left Coast, USA |
Well, I'm glad that at least I don't have to go into Witness Protection ... yet. Yeah, these things seem to keep "growing" every year. I tried pacing myself this year, stockpiling some awards early on when you just knew there were some winners. The end result was even more spewage than I anticipated. p.s. Misstresskent might have been up for a "best avatar" nomination but I was afraid that if she didn't win I'd trapped in the gimp suit, hidden underneath her floorboards. p.s.s. I should also note that props should go out to Ragingbuddhist for originally posting the link to "The Internet is for Porn" song and Turboshaft for the Baby Jesus Buttplug 'plug' ... just don't use the last one as a prop. | |
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| 12-17-10 02:09pm - 5119 days | #12 | |
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Advent (0)
Active Webmaster  Posts: 103 Registered: Aug 13, '09 Location: Tampa, FL |
I can not even begin to explain how excited I was to see that I won!! This is my first award in porn and it will be my most treasured. You guys have been so good to me and before Capn' asked the zips are still on the table to be implemented I just don't know when.  To be honest I did not think "that her image would fuel many a forum pervs fantasy." if that has been the case for some, then I say....lube up my friend. Thank you so much for welcoming me into your community and making me feel at home. P.S. I printed mine out and hung it on my office wall.  Owner Kick Ass PicturesCumEatingCuckolds, FootFetishDaily and Kick Ass Pictures Please feel free to contact me with concerns or comments, I would love to hear from you. Edited on Dec 20, 2010, 10:40am | |
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| 12-17-10 05:48pm - 5119 days | #13 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User  Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
As always this was just amazing. I know I've said it in the past but you are a genius. I wish I had you talent. Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 12-17-10 06:50pm - 5119 days | #14 | |
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lk2fireone (0)
Active User  Posts: 3,618 Registered: Nov 14, '08 Location: CA |
Wittyguy, many thanks for another remarkable awards thread. You help make each year go out with a marvelous bang. | |
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| 12-17-10 08:24pm - 5118 days | #15 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended  Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
This is my first time in the short period I've been a member to be recognized by this event. However, Being somewhat of a newbe and getting bashed in this my first Forum award, well, I'm left with mixed feeling about considering it an (honor). On the one hand, you have to recognize the enormance intelligence of this guy having assembled such a project. On the other, I fail to see how getting sliced-an-diced by a fellow member under the guise of achievement is suppose to provide some kind of amusement. Edited on Dec 19, 2010, 04:42pm | |
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| 12-17-10 08:35pm - 5118 days | #17 | |
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GCode (0)
Active User  Posts: 386 Registered: Feb 23, '09 Location: USA |
Thanks again for another fun read for this year's PU awards. To think this year is almost over is crazy. Nicely done like every year thus far and thanks for work that goes in to making this post yearly. Sexted From My iPad | |
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| 12-18-10 10:08am - 5118 days | #18 | |
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Monahan (0)
Active User  Posts: 348 Registered: Jan 17, '07 Location: SF Valley, CA |
Exactly how I feel. I remain amazed at the amount of effort WittyGuy puts into the annual awards, how well written his award thread is and how much I look forward to it each year. Thanks, WG. | |
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| 12-18-10 10:38am - 5118 days | #19 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
Maybe PU could award a couple of tickect valid for the next draw for all the thought and hard work that was put into such an amazing post? Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 12-18-10 02:31pm - 5118 days | #20 | |
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messmer (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 2,582 Registered: Sep 12, '07 Location: Canada |
We, also, acknowledge the hard work that went into the post but are not amused and return our two awards post haste by Fedex! | |
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| 12-18-10 04:27pm - 5118 days | #21 | |
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Tree Rodent (0)
Active User  Posts: 708 Registered: Oct 29, '08 Location: UK |
Finally, a lifetime achievement award - and about time too. Of course I am far too important to turn up to the award ceremony personally, and turn down the award from the running dog capitalist Wittyguy, besides which I am busy forcibly removing some very old people from a building and developing it for tons of money. It's okay - they're old, unimportant, and will be dead soon, like ninety per cent of the PU regulars. Anyway we all know Wittyguy is an inside mole for the porn industry. Edited on Dec 18, 2010, 04:31pm | |
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| 12-18-10 05:31pm - 5118 days | #22 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
 Thanks for the props and just so I can reach my blasphemous offenses quota for today, here's a plug for that Baby Jesus plug once more--you will be offended all over again! (Note: probably makes one of the most inappropriate Xmas gifts you can find, unless you're either looking to purposely offend the more religiously sensitive, or that special someone likes to get extra close to her faith.) And many thanks and congrats on finishing another year of Forum Awards! Your dedication is amazing...or downright creepy and disturbing, almost criminal. So don't bother trying to escape, authorities are already on the way.  "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 12-19-10 02:11am - 5117 days | #23 | |
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lk2fireone (0)
Active User Posts: 3,618 Registered: Nov 14, '08 Location: CA |
I'd go along with pat362 in saying PU could give Wittyguy a special award of 10 tickets for the raffle for his PU FORUM AWARDS thread. The thought, time, and wit that created the thread deserve special recognition. And it really adds flavor to the PU site, much more so than even a really great review of some porn site. | |
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| 12-19-10 03:04am - 5117 days | #24 | |
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Capn (0)
Active User Posts: 1,740 Registered: Sep 05, '09 Location: Near the Beer! |
Indeed! Long may he continue to do them. The occasional brickbat or even acknowledgement amuses others & refocusses the victim.  Cap'n. Admiral of the PU Hindenburg. 2009 PU AwardHilarious Post of the Year 2010 PU Award ( I would have preferred it to be Helpful Post of the Year for Guys who Hate 'Retail Therapy' ) :0/ Sanity is in the eye of the Beholder! | |
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| 12-19-10 04:09am - 5117 days | #25 | |
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Drooler (0)
Disabled User Posts: 1,831 Registered: Mar 11, '07 Location: USA |
I definitely agree. I wanted something new, so I left England for New England. | |
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| 12-19-10 07:50am - 5117 days | #26 | |
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Cybertoad (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 2,158 Registered: Jan 01, '08 Location: Wash |
Wow fascinating read , I actually had to pause masturbating to read this. Of course was allot to read so thank goodness there is Viagra   Congrats to all . Since 2007 | |
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| 12-19-10 04:48pm - 5117 days | #27 | |
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Monahan (0)
Active User Posts: 348 Registered: Jan 17, '07 Location: SF Valley, CA |
Now THAT's a true PU member. What a sacrifice! | |
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| 12-19-10 05:18pm - 5117 days | #28 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Not to worry, Cybertoad. One can f..k oneself anytime, but you only get f..ked over once, if at all, by this apparent prestigious PU award. BTW...what happened to the lovely avatar you were using? And could you tell me more about her? She is reeeally easy on the eyes. | |
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| 12-19-10 06:04pm - 5117 days | #29 | |
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jberryl69 (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 1,000 Registered: Nov 27, '10 Location: neverland |
nice to be a neewbie to duck the crap slinging... haha If it ain't grits, it must be a Yankee.If you're going to lay her head over the pool table and fuck her throat, get your fucking hand off her throat! | |
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| 12-19-10 08:07pm - 5117 days | #30 | |
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RagingBuddhist (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 893 Registered: Jan 23, '07 |
I'm still trying to figure out how and when I made a "noncynical post". I must be slipping. Oh - and to anyone truly offended by Witty's end of the year wrap up, I would recommend some sort of therapy. Maybe talk to your doctor and mention Xanax. Another good job, Wittyguy! Sarcasm is a body's natural defense against stupidity. | |
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| 12-20-10 12:30pm - 5116 days | #31 | |
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Wittyguy (0)
Active User Posts: 1,138 Registered: Feb 04, '08 Location: Left Coast, USA |
Thanks to everyone for your comments and the like. To partially answer Graymane's issue, yeah the awards sometimes get a little harsh but the way I see it, it's done the way I think award shows should be done in real life. No longstanding offense is meant to anyone. In retrospect, I can see Graymane's and Messmer's points that perhaps a few comments were too much over the top. However, I hope that doesn't cause anyone to feel like they can't contribute to the forum (it's certainly not my intent at all to cause people to self censor). I don't get off on poking fun at people, I do get off (besides on porn) making people laugh. The original idea behind even doing these faux awards was just to get people to laugh at themselves (we don't seem to do that enough today) and to serve as a creative writing outlet (x-mas gift to myself). I know that my sense of humor doesn't translate for everyone but my intentions are mostly harmless (one award this year was certainly not kind but it was deserved). Compared to other forums, I think we're doing OK when something like the awards draws the most outcry from users (that wasn't the case this last year here at PU). The awards themselves have also gotten bigger than I anticipated from the first ones mostly because other people talk about them and PU staff pin this thread for a while (I don't ask that it be pinned). I'll probably keep doing them so long as I have the time and/or PU interest. If I overly offended someone, I apologize but, again, the awards are burlesque style humor, nothing to put in your Christmas letter to friends and family. I view our anonymous on-line PU personalities different from our real world egos. I consider most everyone who regularly posts here an online friend or acquaintance. Would I be this harsh to people in real life? "Yes", if I thought they could handle it or if they knew me well enough. Anyway, you don't have to like the awards or me: just like the forum and contribute to make it a better place. I will keep some of Messmer's and Graymane's points in mind for next year. Edited on Dec 20, 2010, 01:08pm | |
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| 12-20-10 04:46pm - 5116 days | #32 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Doctor? Xanax? Been there, done that, RB. Might give therapy a try, though. Got any other ideas that'll help cure me from this awful stigma of being "offended" when my personage is being dragged through the mud. | |
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| 12-20-10 09:42pm - 5115 days | #33 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
I've come to love reading your Forum Awards every year...so after porn these are pretty high on my list of loves (admittedly it's a disturbingly short list though  ). Don't take the criticism too harshly; it's always easy to laugh at some jokes until they are directed at you, then things might not be so funny. Humor is always going to be offensive and misinterpreted, but at least it means users are reading them, or up until they see their name and go "What the fuck?!!" And hopefully nobody's burning a Wittyguy effigy or sending you death threats (though Xmas is still a few days away, so PU'ers get your threats in now while there's still time! ).To be honest I'm honored when you mention my name if only to stroke my massive...ego. How you do it I don't know--frankly I don't want to know. Plus if I took seriously myself or any of the non-humorous shit people have lobbed my way I would have been hanging from a noose years ago, so award away! "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove Edited on Dec 21, 2010, 07:48pm | |
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| 12-20-10 09:45pm - 5115 days | #34 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
So that's where you've been! I guess until you learn to type with your feet, or get a really open-mined secretary, you're not going to be hanging around here too much. "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 12-21-10 01:58am - 5115 days | #35 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
If one weighs the merits of Witty Guy’s finished product, penned single-handedly for his and the entertainment of fellow PU members, proving, unarguably, the overwhelming consensus among PU’s community of its enthusiastic acceptance ... then one has to conclude this piece of journalistic genius is a genuine PU fixture. People love it. I love it ... but not for the reasons seemingly conveyed in the basic Award’s theme. I don’t know how to explain it, but it has something to do with the art of laughing at oneself, having their ideals and contributions (under the cloak of banter) twisted and turned around to bite them in the ass. However, I hasten add that these yearly diversions do indeed excite and stir expectations. Witty’s pre-ceremony build-up turns up the heat and maintains awareness right on up until the award’s day of reckoning. With many, these awards generate a burn to win; just having their name mentioned gets their motor running; and I believe also it accelerates a lot of interest and love for this site. I applaud Witty for all his hard work and ingenuity putting this extraordinary project together. I think I speak for all when I say Witty’s attendance to this forum makes it a much greater environment to be a part of. Most anything he writes is riveting, and I usually come away having benefited from what he has to say. But on this issue of my backlash to Witty’s eloquent but scathing assessment that went along with my “award” I’ll just sum it up by echoing his sentiment (in Witty’s own words): “Would I be this harsh to people in real life? "Yes", if I thought they could handle it or if they knew me well enough. I guess that’s my problem, Witty, I can’t handle it and I don’t know you well enough. | |
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| 12-21-10 03:23pm - 5115 days | #36 | ||
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RagingBuddhist (0)
Disabled User Posts: 893 Registered: Jan 23, '07 |
No, it won't help this time, but maybe you can take some advice from someone who's been active for years on several forums and in chatrooms. This is the Internet, so the personage you speak of can only come from the words you've put online. If you're comfortable enough to tell us things like you put beastiality on the same level as human anal intercourse, I don't understand how you could be so offended when someone takes notice of it and turns it into a bit of satire.
If you feel that people don't know you well enough to react to things you say, I would recommend following my lead. I've found it best not to start, or get into, discussions that divulge - or could even be construed as divulging - anything of a deeply personal nature. For example, I make it a point of not responding to polls or threads that get into what I consider deeply personal issues - like your recent poll question regarding "morning wood". I just feel that anything about sexual preferences or idiosyncrasies, beyond things like, "I'm a breast man" or, "I like long hair", shouldn't be made public. Call it self-censorship, if you will. Just as though this were the real world and we were all sitting together somewhere, what you say and do will get a reaction - and it's not always what you'd expect. Sarcasm is a body's natural defense against stupidity. | ||
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| 12-21-10 04:13pm - 5115 days | #37 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
That's a lotta talk, RB....but you haven't said anything. I fail to see what any of that has to do with my beef with Witty. | |
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| 12-21-10 07:44pm - 5115 days | #38 | |
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Drooler (0)
Disabled User Posts: 1,831 Registered: Mar 11, '07 Location: USA |
That's a handy locution, isn't it, that "you haven't said anything." Five words that really mean, "I refuse to listen." I wanted something new, so I left England for New England. | |
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| 12-21-10 09:26pm - 5114 days | #39 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
My God! What kind of Kangaroo court is in session here? For the sake of amusment, I get verbally flayed by the ruling rooster of what I'm beginning to believe is a pecking order of his idolatries coming out of the woodwork to pile-up on me because I choose not to "laugh at myself." Having, in fact, gone so far as to imply that I wasn't amused. What next, guys? Publicly shackled in pillory and stocks and smitten by onlookers? | |
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| 12-22-10 12:03am - 5114 days | #40 | |
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Drooler (0)
Disabled User Posts: 1,831 Registered: Mar 11, '07 Location: USA |
I don't think of Wittyguy as the "Ruling Rooster." I don't think of you that way, either. Nor of myself, for that matter. The Ruling Rooster here is Khan, and he's pretty relaxed for a rooster. Anyway, isn't that what this "you haven't said anything" mean in this context, that you just refuse to even try to understand what Raging Buddhist was saying to you? Stop being such a child about all this. Get over it, finally. I wanted something new, so I left England for New England. | |
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| 12-22-10 06:28am - 5114 days | #41 | |
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Tree Rodent (0)
Active User Posts: 708 Registered: Oct 29, '08 Location: UK |
Khan can be the ruling rooster, as long as we're not the hens. | |
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| 12-22-10 07:20am - 5114 days | #42 | |
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lk2fireone (0)
Active User Posts: 3,618 Registered: Nov 14, '08 Location: CA |
Maybe this site should be re-named: the house of the rising cocks.  | |
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| 12-22-10 10:20am - 5114 days | #43 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
If so we may have to redefine the term "cockblock" if the digital sparring goes any further. I guess some people can't take a joke?  "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 12-22-10 12:27pm - 5114 days | #44 | |
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Khan (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,737 Registered: Jan 05, '07 Location: USA |
I'll probably regret posting to this thread but after reading how upset some people were about this year's awards, I feel compelled to add a few words of my own. I'm the one who pins the initial award post every year. I feel the amount of work that goes into in deserves the little bit of extra focus it gets by being pinned. Besides, knowing how popular it (generally) is, I want everyone to have a chance to see it before it starts drifting down the thread list. Now on to the awards themselves ... I look at the yearly forum awards like I would a "roast" type awards show. Are they sometimes a little caustic? Sure ... but as anyone who's ever watched a roast knows, if the object of the roast doesn't feel a little sting, then you're probably not doing it right. Obviously, different people react differently to this type of humor. I don't know about you guys but for myself, I've been in different groups over the years and if the group is mainly guys, then you can count on them poking fun at each other. If you do a little research, you'll find it's how guys bond and communicate. Scientist might tell you it's sort of a way of seeing how your fellows react under stress. Still, no matter what group it was, the one thing that was consistent was the unspoken rule that, "if they didn't screw with you, they didn't like you". If you got messed with, then you could take some comfort in knowing you were considered part of the gang. Something else to think about ... The vast majority of posts here throughout the year are criticizing someone or something. We rag on porn stars, photographers, site owners, payment processors and pretty much anyone and everything associated with online porn. If you're critical of these forum awards, don't you think your criticizing is getting under the skin of some of those folks? But that's ok because to a great extent, that's the nature of a review site. Still, I think it's only sporting that once a year, we point that critical eye towards ourselves and show we can take a few "jabs" as well as just dish it out. I'm a little distressed to see a few users were very offended by this years awards. Graymane is maybe understandable. He's fairly new to our community here and he's not been exposed to this yearly tradition before. Maybe he's one of those guys who just doesn't take to humorous kidding. That's ok, if he wants to be that guy then that's his right. He's expressed his displeasure and it's been noted (by Wittyguy and others) so let's just leave it go at that. I will admit to being a little confused by Messmer's reaction to this years awards. I think my confusion comes from how different it was from how he reacted to previous years.  For example, the first year the awards were posted he responded ... "Hilarious. I wish I had your gift, wittyguy. Thanks for making my day (using Clint Eastwood voice)." And then his reaction last year, " Thanks once again this year for the hilarious Forum Awards, witty. Can't wait to see next year's and am already trying to come up with a memorable line or title so I'll be able to move up from honorable mentions to a major award." and then he went on to thank those who'd helped turn him into a porn collector. But note he actually wished for a major award ... which he received this year ... and then was ticked off. So again, I'm a little confused.  I don't know if you've noticed but Messmer has disabled his account as a result of all this. I can only hope that it was a momentary overaction caused by stress associated with the silly season or the full moon or whatever. I consider Messmer a part of this community and hope he'll reconsider and I'll see an email soon with him reactivating his account. To those who got upset, I'd like to pass on a little quote that I'm fond of and that has served me well over the years ... "Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him." -- Epictetus In closing I'll once again thank Wittyguy for his Herculean effort in putting together the yearly PU forum awards. I hope this years' drama won't put you off of doing the yearly awards. To those who were offended by the awards, I can offer you assurance that the awards are all done in good fun and if that type of humor doesn't appeal to you, then you may want to skip over next year's award post. Thank you all for your ongoing support of PornUsers. Former PornUsers Senior Administrator Now at: MyPorn.com "To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences."-John Henry Patterson | |
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| 12-22-10 01:19pm - 5114 days | #45 | |
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lk2fireone (0)
Active User Posts: 3,618 Registered: Nov 14, '08 Location: CA |
I know why you are confused that messmer had a different reaction to this year's PU forum awards. Obviously, you haven't seen or have forgotten the movie, "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". messmer fell asleep once too often, and he was replaced by one of the alien pod people. The new messmer looks like the old messmer, but the new messmer thinks completely differently. I'm sorry that messmer disabled his account, because I think he was a major contributor to not just the site reviews, but also to the forum threads. I hope he will return. But in my heart of hearts, there will remain a tiny niggle of doubt that the new messmer is not 100% the old messmer, but an alien copy. Would the body scans at the airports be able to unmask this alien creature? Or will the new messmer avoid airports, and communicate with the PU community strictly by emails? | |
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| 12-22-10 06:42pm - 5114 days | #46 | |
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Tree Rodent (0)
Active User Posts: 708 Registered: Oct 29, '08 Location: UK |
I can't believe Messmer has disabled his account. He's one of my favourite members. We never really know each other here, but that is sometimes true with people you know in real life. Something happens and they act in a completely different way to what you would expect. Either that or Ik is right, the aliens got to him. My guess is he's going through a bad time. Messmer, I hope you get through it mate, and come back strong. Excellent post by Raging Buddhist. Despite his image he nearly always says something profound. Graymane was upset and so was Messmer and that's a real shame. I am used to being flamed by kids on forums. The intent is what makes the difference in my book, but everyone's standards are different. Maybe I am used to flaming and how to deal with it. I have a way of knowing how to really annoy someone (a talent I have in real life) so am less sensitive than some. I could be considered one of the most attacking and negative members here but I have no criticism about anyone on this thread. I think everyone has acted in an honest way and said what they think. I was going to say something that I considered important, then Khan went and posted it before I had the chance. To be fair he probably put it better than I could anyway. I am one of the more offensive members here, so I wouldn't mind Wittyguy occasionally going for the throat in the awards. He doesn't, but he does get the tone imo perfect. We come from the outside world where porn and those who like it are considered sick, depraved, or whatever. Since we have come to terms with that, I am surprised that any regular member would be upset over what is posted on this forum. This is one of the most civilized forums because, as Badandy pointed out a long time ago, we are intelligent enough and honest enough to accept that we like porn, and post about it, so we can argue and disagree without getting upset. Usually. | |
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| 12-22-10 08:41pm - 5113 days | #47 | |
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Wittyguy (0)
Active User Posts: 1,138 Registered: Feb 04, '08 Location: Left Coast, USA |
I think we're about ready to wrap up this thread for a while after a few observations. First, I'm sorry Messmer disabled his account, though I suspect he's lurking in the shadows (hopefully). I do hope he comes back after he's had time to cool off, no one likes to see a contributing and valued member disappear. I also see that Graymane has temporarily disappeared from the forum as well (again, please come on back, more voices makes this place better). Second, I think Khan did a better job than I could of expressing the thought process behind the forum awards. Thank you Khan for your efforts in regards to your posts here. Third, if the two of them are offended beyond reproach then I doubt any apology on my part would be satisfactory at this point other than editing their award entries above. Even if I did, I think most every one here has already read the post and knows of their roasting awards. I'm not really inclined to do so because a) The intent was humorous and not meant as a personal attack; b) I doubt they would quickly return even if I did a re-edit (once damaged, pride takes a while to rebound); and, c) Since we're all anonymous beings in this little corner of cyberspace, I don't like to self edit in hopes of satisfying everyone. Part of what makes the forum fun is that people have wide ranging views and express a lot of opinions. If what I had expressed was opinion I would apologize profusely. Since it was not my intent to express opinion with these faux awards (either in making the awards or how they're to be read) I'm OK with catching flak for stepping over the line but I guess I don't see this as a basis for a full on PU boycott. If it's of any consolation, Messmer and Graymane are exempt from any future awards if they hadn't guessed that already. | |
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| 12-22-10 09:16pm - 5113 days | #48 | |
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lk2fireone (0)
Active User Posts: 3,618 Registered: Nov 14, '08 Location: CA |
When did graymane disable his account? His name is currently listed as "Active User", so unless it was a very brief disablement, I doubt he really did disable his account. But I am willing to bite the bullet for both messmer and graymane, and accept the transfer of their 2010 PU FORUM AWARDS into my account. I don't know how much that will help graymane and messmer. But the offer stands. I honestly do not see any malice or bad intentions behind the awards or the thread. I see the awards as an expression of humor and wit. And it's unfortunate that some members believe the awards are some kind of personal attack. | |
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| 12-23-10 12:20am - 5113 days | #49 | |
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slutty (0)
Active User Posts: 475 Registered: Mar 02, '09 Location: Pennsylvania |
I had been reading this thread for a while, and thought those that were offended were being facetious, I didn't realize folks had actually disabled their accounts. I would hope that most would read this thread as a "roast" of sorts and consider it an honor to be listed. I was disappointed that my only mention was a reference to my ex-girlfriends hairy nether-regions that I really had no desire to think about again, and hadn't until I read this thread - thanks Wittyguy! Hopefully everyone that disabled their accounts will come back. Though I don't participate in the forum very much I do enjoy reading it, I usually didn't have to write anything because messmer almost always had my opinion covered. So for the sake of my laziness (and of course your valuable contributions), messmer, come on back. These are the dangers of humor and the internet, some might get offended. So if I have ever offended anyone here, let me take the opportunity to note that I am a drunken hooligan who can't even have sex with his lady without the dog trying to jump in on the action. Feel free to make fun of me as you see fit. Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited. Edited on Dec 23, 2010, 01:06am | |
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| 12-23-10 02:57am - 5113 days | #50 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
First off....I don't know where people are getting the idea I've disabled my account. That isn't true, and certainly, so far, It's not my intentions to do so. Secondly, I have absolutely no malice whatsoever toward witty guy... I think that speaks for itself for all the praise I've directed to his talents. I was sincerely hoping this issue wouldn't grow into something our Administrator ultimately would be involved in. As important as this annual award is to him, and the forum itself, administrative protocol seems unfair wasting his time having to wade into this mire. If the following appears to come across as a contradiction on my part, then so be it: But, The truth is, (and I can't stress this too emphatically) I have nothing against the awards, and, in fact, was just as excited as all the other PU award fans about it's appearance...AND YES, particularly hopeful of being recognized in the awards. And I'll argue 'till the cows come home that I'm just as thick-skinned as the next fellow, but there ARE conventional limits when it comes to socially roasting somebody. And in my mind, Witty, in perhaps an over-zealous concern to put more zing into this year's project, inadvertently kept the fire too close to the feet of those who protested. In retrospect, I wish I'd have yielded to my better judgment and kept my thoughts on this matter to myself. Had I known buckin' this guy would'a opened a Pandora's box of this magnitude, that time would'a been better spent fixated on flicks somewhere watchin' ladies get naked. I'd like for this thing to just go away....more-so for the effect this might be having on WittyGuy. He doesn't need this baggage to follow him into the next years awards preparation. I wish there was a time-capsule into which I could zoom back in time.. wherein I'd get another shot at addressing this problem... I can assure you hind-sight winds would've directed my sails on a different course, and Witty would've gone on to reap his due reward, unfettered with complete freedom to bask in his accomplishment. Although this won't dissolve the effects of the hits I took this year from Witty's awesome arsenal, the man's got a job to do...and who am I to argue, out of all the thousands of PU's members marching to PU's drummer, that I'm the only one in step. I hope from this some good may have evolved...and I personally wish for him next years' performance to eclipses any and all he's ever done.  (edited for addition)) Having just read Witty's recent post (quote): "If it's of any consolation, Messmer and Graymane are exempt from any future awards if they hadn't guessed that already." I guess that's PU's equivelent of being permanently grounded, huh? Edited on Dec 23, 2010, 12:30pm | |
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| 12-23-10 11:40am - 5113 days | #51 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
I think so far just Messmer and Cybertoad have disabled their accounts, and only Messmer in relation to the 2010 Awards thread (at least that's that seems to be everyone's assumption). Cybertoad has just been pretty inactive over the last few months--pretty much the whole year, in fact--so he might just be taking a holiday or something. I hope both of them will be back in the new year (sooner rather than later) or within the next few days, because they are missed.  "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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